


Elysium.

by cynically_optimistic



Category: Shadowhunters, malec - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Edom (Shadowhunter Chronicles), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Ghost Ragnor Fell, Hell Hounds, M/M, Magnus Bane & Ragnor Fell Friendship, Malec Centric, Post 3x10, Prince of Hell Magnus Bane, Sizzy - Freeform, clace, loss of magic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-05-17 12:50:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14832590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynically_optimistic/pseuds/cynically_optimistic
Summary: Set after the events of the third season mid season finale, 3x10.Lilith is banished, Clary is pronounced dead, and everyone at the New York Institute is trying (and failing) to get back to life as usual. Magnus is magicless but has taken up teaching Madzie the warlock arts. Magnus and Catarina are experiencing visits from a long lost friend. Alec is doing his best to cope with his parabatai's grief, as well as his own. The Downworld council is in ruins, each faction seeking new leadership, but who will step in?Many evils wait in the wings, hiding in the shadows of Lilith's reign in New York, and only time will bring it to light.And in the depths of hell, in the center of Edom, Asmodeus sits on his throne, waiting for his favorite son to come home.





	1. midnight

**Author's Note:**

> For the beginning, Magnus is admittedly a little ooc. After losing his magic and almost losing Alec, he is essentially at rock bottom. But he will get back to the Magnus we all know and love shortly, this was just my interpretation of the direct aftermath of the mid season finale. Enjoy!

Alec awoke when the sunlight peered through the decorative curtains of Magnus’ bedroom windows. He gently sat up, only to feel a sharp twinge of pain in his chest and rested his head back down on his pillow with a groan. He noted the tight bandage around his torso, running from his shoulder to his underarm and around his back, keeping where The Owl had stabbed him restricted. It pained him to take deep breaths but Alec felt as though he’d just rose from the dead and breathing deeply was the only way to prove to himself that he was still alive.

He coughed a little when he tried, yet again, to sit up. This time, he moved the pillows beneath him so they could do most of the sitting up for him. He noticed Magnus was not in the chair by the window, having remember he was standing over him at the side of the bed when Alec passed out, hoping he might be there when he woke up.  So, he called out weakly into the apartment, “Magnus?”

 

_the night before*_

 

Catarina had done her best to heal Alec’s wounds. Isabelle had called her and she portaled to the alleyway as fast as she could. But by the time Alec and Magnus’ shared tearful goodbyes, Alec had done enough talking to cause more damage that would have to be cured slowly and with a lot of rest. Catarina went to work quickly to stabilize him and stop the bleeding so they could moved Alec safely. She wanted so badly to yell at them for not calling her immediately but she refrained as much as she could, knowing there would be time to ream them both after she saved Alec’s life. She’d be damned if she had to listen to Magnus’ broken-hearted siliques for the rest of the century if Alec were to die. So, back at the loft, while she magically stitched Alec up, Magnus regaled to her his tale of his reunion with his father and how he had given up his powers to save Jace.

After Alec passed out from the pain of having one’s respiratory organs and flesh fused back together on a molecular level, she made sure to let Magnus know that he was an absolute moron. She could only imagine how many people Magnus had helped and saved during his very long life, not to mention how many he could have helped in the centuries to come. That was her life’s motivation, to help people, and she knew she shared that commonality with Magnus. They both valued life, while so many of their fellow warlocks turned a blind eye to the suffering of other downworlders and mundanes alike. Even so, she understood why he did what he did.

She knew Magnus was one of the world’s most staunch defenders of love. Even at his most calloused, love was always what brought him back to who he truly was. Whether it was caring for Raphael like his own son, or how he always made sure Madzie had everything she could possibly need, or even now, giving up his magic to spare some part of Alec’s soul like he was the love of Magnus’ life or something.

“And maybe he is,” she thought to herself after Magnus had excused himself from Alec’s bedside, after Catarina assured him many, many times that Alec was stable, to pour himself a whiskey on the rocks, “why else would he give up something so intrinsically bound to himself, something he doesn’t know how to live without? Maybe the idea of living without something else surpassed his dependency on his magic.” She thought.

“I guess it’s a good thing you always preferred to pour your drinks by hand, huh?” she tried to lighten the mood of the room, her playful banter not reciprocated by her friend, “too soon?”

Magnus looked back at her, “Yes, by approximately 28 years. Until then, let’s not mention it, yeah?”

She let out a breath, “Okay, but I still don’t understand why Asmodeus took your magic. I mean, I thought he wanted you at your strongest to rule Edom next to him. Or at least eat your powers like some sort of magic hoover vacuum but that only seems worth the effort if you are at your most powerful, which you already said you would never reach so ---”

“Cat, I really don’t want to talk about this right now.” He started, and then he didn’t stop, “I already feel bad enough thinking about ‘what am I going to do now that I don’t have my magic’ when Alec almost died right in front of me. And worse, I didn’t even have sense enough to call you. And THEN WHAT, just let him die in front of me like some useless mundane? That’s not what I meant, you know I don’t think mundanes are useless. But he could have died and then I’d just live out the rest of my days knowing that it was my fault for giving up my magic in the first place and then not calling you for help because I was what? Too distraught? What the fuck is wrong with me? Thank god for Isabelle, because who knows what would’ve ---”

“Okay, I can see this is just one catastrophizing statement after another.” She noted. Magnus took a deep exhale and plopped down on the sofa, so Catarina went and sat next to him with her hand placed on his arm to show what little comfort she could, “You know, it is possible to be devastated by more than one thing. Not that I envy you that pain, but you don’t have to feel guilty about it. Yes, Alec almost died, and that’s devastating, but he didn’t. And yes, you gave up your magic for him, how self-sacrificing and romantic of you,” she nudged him and he let out the tiniest laugh, “Magnus, you are centuries old, having lived those centuries the only way you knew how – with magic. And now that’s gone. Its okay to be daunted and terrified by the idea that you have to learn how to live a different life. And you don’t have to feel guilty for thinking that right now. You get to be completely and utterly devastated by both of those things at once if you wish, but you could lighten up on the former because as I previously stated about a hundred times in the last hour,” Magnus finally looked Catarina in the eyes, “Alec is going to be fine, Magnus.”

Still, he traced her eyes for the slightest hint of worry for her patient or a lie just to make him feel better. He found neither, so he nodded.

“Now, if its cool with you, I’m going to go pour myself one of those,” she said, pointing at Magnus’ glass, “and I’m going to get some rest in the guest room. My magic is almost depleted and Alec will wake up with searing pain in about, oh, 6 hours I’d say.” She said, checking the imaginary watch on her wrist as Magnus downed half his glass of whiskey in one gulp, “I’m kidding! It should just be mild to moderate. Goodnight, Magnus.” She sing-songed down the hall, leaving Magnus to drink alone with his worry.

Magnus didn’t sleep a wink, just in case Alec woke up in pain or stopped breathing, knowing full well there would be nothing he could do to help him.

 

_The morning*_

 

“Magnus?” Alec tried calling out again, but Catarina Loss appeared in the doorway of Magnus’ room.

She walked over to him to check the heart monitor he had hooked him up to, “shhh, Magnus is finally sleeping, thank god. He asked me if I wanted him to make a fourth pot of coffee and I may have magicked him to sleep. He is still on the kitchen floor, but don’t worry, he’s fine.”

Alec nodded, feeling awful for putting Magnus through the stress of the last 48 hours. “Why am I hooked up to this thing? You do know Nephilim hearts beat faster than mundanes, right?”

She laughed, “Yes, but like mundanes, when your heart stops beating this machine over here makes this sound,” she unplugged the wire sticking out of the side of the monitor, sounding a very loud beeeeeeeeeeeeeep into the apartment. “I needed to replenish my magic after saving your ass last night and there is no better alarm clock.”

They both laughed, then Alec sucked in a pained breath and clutched at his side, “Is this supposed to still hurt?”

“Well, your both of your lungs were partially collapsed. Your iratze took care of a lot of the damage but even for you, strong Nephilim solider types, it’ll take a few days for you to be back on your feet slaying demons, wearing copious amount of leather, and whatever else it is that you do.” she joked at Alec’s expense, but that was the rapport they had built, and he laughed.

“ALEC!” Magnus came barreling through the door, his hair standing in all directions, and sporting very dark circles under his eyes “ARE YOU OKAY? You look okay. Is he okay?” he asked Catarina hastily.

“Yes Magnus, he is fine.”

“Oh, you’re fine. You’re fine. Good.” He exhaled, “THEN WHY AM I HEARING THAT DAMN MACHINE CRASHING? And secondly, if I may, WHY WAS I ASLEEP ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR?”

Catarina turned to Alec, “See? I told you, no better alarm clock than the threat of death.” She looked back to Magnus, “Stop worrying, I was just demonstrating to Alec the usefulness of the heart monitor since he doubted my methods.” Alec opened his mouth to protest but was cut off, “and as far as you being asleep on the kitchen floor, I can confidently say that nothing happened you can prove. But perhaps you want to reevaluate your alcohol consumption. You know, studies show 1 in 10 ---”

“NOT NOW Catarina!” Magnus yelled, silencing the room except for the faint _beep beep beep_ of the heart monitor. Without breaking eye contact, Catarina turned off the machine.

She walked towards the door, “I’ll give you two a minute.” She shut the door a fraction and laughed to herself. Magnus would pay for that tone later.

Neither one said anything at first so Alec decided he would bite the proverbial bullet, “Magnus, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for putting you through this. I’m sorry about your magic. If there is anything I can do to fix it, I will, I swear ---”

Alec was cut off by Magnus abruptly kissing him with a kind of fervor that seem more than appropriate after Alec almost died. It lasted only a moment, a full, desperate moment, before Magnus absentmindedly tried to move his hands to Alec’s hair and lean more into his torso, which prompted Alec to gasp slightly in pain.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Magnus started

Alec laughed a little, evening out his breathing both from the pain of his injuries and kissing Magnus, “Its okay. I’m okay.” Alec reached up and brought Magnus’ lips back to his own with just a finger under his chin and lightly kissed him. Magnus pulled away after a few seconds and just looked down at their hands intertwined on the golden bedspread, reminding him of the morning after their first time when Alec has asked him what he was afraid of. After the events of the last two days, Magnus didn’t have to guess anymore. Although, the fashion blogs were calling for a resurgence of acid washed jeans, but that was a tragedy to deal with another day

“Magnus,” Alec implored Magnus to look at him, and when Magnus did look at him, he felt like he met eyes with an angel, with the glare of the sunrise on his face and a slight and tired smile. It was almost as if Alec was just content to be there, broken and injured, but in their bed, “everything is going to be okay.”

Magnus laughed, “That’s my line.”

“Well, for the times when you can’t say it, I will.”

Magnus could map out the entirety of their relationship in a series of moments when Alexander Lightwood stunned him enough with his gentle heart that it made Magnus fall more in love with him, a sensation in his heart he could actually physically feel. This was one said moment. Even when Alec had been broken down to his foundations, laying here, back from the brink of death and having been completely prepared to die at the hands of his brother, his only regrets being failing to save Jace from Lilith’s possession and letting Magnus believe for even a second that it was his fault or that Alec blamed him for any of it. Even through that, Alec was the one telling Magnus that everything was going to be okay.

He let out a laugh that was accompanied by tears. Alec had a tear rolling down his cheek that Magnus wiped away with his thumb and then rested on the side of his face. Alec let his eyes close contentedly for just a moment.

“You never cease to amaze me, Alexander. And yes, in good way, always in good ways.”

Alec laughed, “Yeah? Well, you’re pretty amazing, yourself.”

“I love you, Alexander.” Magnus plainly stated. It could have been a romantic fanfare, but it was more so the truest thing Magnus had ever spoken into existence, a fact that could not be disputed.

“I love you, too.” Alec smiled, speaking an equal amount of truth in return.

Magnus had never known an equal love, where he was loved as much as he loved. He was always the one who cared and who loved more. And he often attributed that to his many years and understanding the fragility of it all, but he could now see in Alec’s heart of nothing but good intentions, that nothing and no one could ever match or surpass the way he felt love from Alec.

Catarina had poured herself a cup of coffee and made her way back to the doorway of Magnus’ room to check on Alec and or to break up any sexy shenanigans they may have gotten up to in the 2 minutes she spent in the kitchen, which she could only imagine could be a lot given the time window and their overall obsession with each other.

However, standing in the shadows where the morning sun had not yet met the hallway, where she was not spotted she heard Alec’s weak voice telling Magnus that everything is going to be fine. She could tell that he was not saying this for his own benefit or to blanket an idealistic falsehood on events to come, like Magnus being magicless, the aftermath of Lilth’s reign in New York, and what Asmodeus could be planning. He simply said it to protect Magnus. And in saying it, he swore himself to uphold it. That no matter what happened, he would protect Magnus and truly, everything would be fine.

She knew full well that no one could ever make such presumptuous promises. No one has the power to prevent fate or stop every and all bad things from happening. Of course, she knew this, she was centuries old, this was not new information. And yet, how this man she saved from death spoke to her oldest friend, whom she had seen through some of the most hurtful tragedies life has to offer, she somehow believed him. Somehow, against her firm grasp on reality, she believed him. And even if it could only be true to Magnus and bring his heart some peace, then what the hell, maybe Alec was the love of Magnus’ life, his very long life.

Then she heard him say, “for the times when you can’t say it, I will.” And then she was absolutely sure of it: Alec Lightwood is the love of Magnus Bane’s life. And vice versa. She saw something she had never seen, someone care about Magnus as much as he cared for them. That they were in this love, equally and entirely together.

“Alright, enough goo-goo eyes,” she entered the room, “I have to check on my patient, and you need to get some sleep mister, doctors orders.” She pointed at Magnus.

“Technically you’re a nurse.” He snarked playfully, standing up, squeezing Alec’s hand for comfort.

“Don’t start with me, Bane. I could pass the MCATs in my sleep. Now, out.” She shooed Magnus out of the room and turned to Alec, “Now, no strenuous activity for you. I’ll leave it to you to tell him that.”

“And how long exactly is that rule in place?” he implored, jokingly, but also genuinely curious because, you know, reasons.

Catarina laughed, “just shut up so I can continue to magically glue your fibrous tissues back together so you don’t die.” she helped Alec sit up so she could remove the bandage.

“Alright, alright, I yield.” Alec said as his wounds largely protested his movements. He laid back on the pillows as blue magic started flowing from Catarina’s fingertips. His chest felt as though it was on fire. When he was stabbed, it was an extremely intense but localized pain. This felt like his entire body was simultaneously burning and tearing apart as she was pulled tissue from deep under the skin and muscles as his Nephilim body tried to rapidly reproduce what she continued to pull on. Like a handkerchief in a clown’s pocket continuously turning into more handkerchiefs, but at an excruciatingly slow pace.

The process took about an hour, but Alec took it relatively well, he passed out about 10 minutes in so by all accounts, Catarina would classify him as a pretty tough son of a bitch. She was happy with where his healing was at, so she decided to forego the bandage. Where he had been stabbed was still an angry and red raised section directly above his sternum, but the wound was closed. She wasn’t yet confident about his lung function, but with another day in bed, she was sure he would be almost completely healed. She left the room only to curl up on the couch a quick nap after depleting her powers for so long on her own.

When she awoke, just an hour later, she noticed she was famished. On her way to the kitchen to make something for her and Magnus, because she was sure he hadn’t eaten anything since he came back from Edom, she passed Magnus’ room to check on Alec. She found Magnus on the other side of the bed, sound asleep, curled up facing Alec and holding his hand. Cat smiled a little to herself and entered the room to close the curtains, preventing the afternoon sun from stirring either from their slumber.

Catarina left the room again, feeling a strong sense of peace, knowing that she saved this beautiful picture she was lucky to see, of these two being so in love even while unconscious from complete exhaustion, from being another sad story Magnus would have to carry. And if she was honest with herself, she might even like Alec. Alec was certainly not the worst person Magnus had ever been with, in fact, he just might be the best.

She closed the door as quietly as she could and her phone rang. Oh shit, the babysitter, she thought, “Hello, Miss Catarina. I was wondering if you were on your way home yet. Madzie is fine, she just keeps asking for you and someone named Magnus.”

“I’ll be there in 15. Tell her we will go get ice cream when I get home.” She looked down the hall at the door of what she now assumed was Magnus AND Alec’s room, hoping the days to come would not bring any more hardships. It was a fool’s wish, but she could wish it on Madzie’s behalf, even on Alec’s behalf, and certainly Magnus’, though she had already held that wish for her dear friend close to her heart for many centuries, “and you can tell her she will see Magnus tomorrow.”


	2. slumbers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo chapter 2 already? i haven't written fic in years and this is awesome. thank you for reading!

Magnus awoke with a start, though in his consciousness he could not remember what had troubled him in sleep. It was almost 4am and Alec was still resting, but Magnus felt comforted by the predictable rise and fall of his chest as he slept. He would be thankful when Alec’s iratze finally took care of that grotesque scar on his chest, neither one of them needed that reminder.

Failing to fall back to sleep, with an unease he couldn’t quite place, he wandered out into the loft to make some coffee, knowing he was up for the day anyway. With the warmth of his ceramic coffee cup against his palms, he decided to peruse his library while he waited for the world, and more importantly Alec, to wake.

His eyes traced right over that god forsaken box that had started their fight a few days ago, not wanting it to be in sight anymore he flourished his hand in a circle motion to make it disappear to the depths of the hallway closet, but nothing happened.

Magnus sighed, remembering the part of him that was missing. So, he set his cup down, picked the box up, and put it on the shelf in the closet. Then he thought to himself, ‘Maybe, I won’t have to put a memento to Alec in that box when the time comes. Maybe now that I am powerless, maybe _that_ time would come for us both,’ but deciding not to contemplate his possible mortality further, he pushed the thought back in his mind.

Before he shut the door, a silver frame caught his eye. He knew what it was, and perhaps attempting to drown in his sorrows some more, he picked it up.

It was a photograph from 1884 when Magnus decided to take a trip to London, after one of his many breakups with Camille, to visit his close friend Ragnor Fell, who stood next to him in his very plain lightly pin stripped suit with a pocket watch chain hanging out of the pocket. Magnus laughed since it was the only accessorizing Ragnor ever did. The photo was taken in his office when he was the High Warlock of London. Magnus remembered how he joked about Ragnor being tied down to a job of such dutiful responsibility, knowing he could never sacrifice so much of his time and hedonism.

Then when Magnus had been voted in as High Warlock of Brooklyn, Ragnor got fairly intoxicated at his ascendance party and in rare form, stood up in front of all the resident warlocks of New York to give the same speech about Magnus’ responsibility and hedonism. Thankfully Ragnor had stepped down as High Warlock of London decades before, since he probably would have had to out of sheer embarrassment for the whole ordeal because he did fall of the table and try to romance a fountain.

The memory also reminded Magnus that it had only been a few months since Ragnor was killed while trying to help Clary and Jace, and he hadn’t even had the opportunity to pay homage to his friend, let alone mourn his loss. He took to photo frame and set it on his desk, a chance to remember Ragnor ever so often when he may wish for his grumpy guidance.

“How is it that you do not have a single decent photograph of me. I thought we were friends.” Magnus heard a British accent from across the room and looked up to see Ragnor Fell in the flesh, or ectoplasm maybe, standing in his loft.

Magnus groaned, which was not the response he thought he might give under different circumstances, “Dammit, now I definitely know I’m insane. I thought maybe that one time had something to do with my magic calling you from somewhere, and definitely the aged whiskey I had opened, but now I’m definitely hallucinating.”

“Well, we already knew you were crazy, Magnus. This is not a surprise. However, did I or did I not say that I would always be here for you. So here I am.” Ragnor gave a rather flamboyant gesture that was surely an imitation of Magnus, “So, Asmodeus, huh?” Magnus nodded, “Well good, because if I thought you would only call me from beyond the grave to talk about your love life, I would die a second time.”

“That’s not funny, Ragnor. But if you were curious, Alec did almost die so I guess that’s part of it.”

Ragnor glided closer to Magnus, “Ah yes, but he didn’t. It’s a good thing our dear Catarina is so quick on her toes or else we may be having a completely different conversation right now. But thankfully, by the grace of The Angel,” Ragnor put his hand to his forehead to signify the drama of it all, “he is alive and well and, in your bed, which also begs the question why you are standing here talking to me.”

Magnus laughed, knowing this was how Ragnor gave his acceptance for any of Magnus’ previous loves, “I just don’t know what to do without my magic. It’s like those soldiers who get a limb amputated and then walk around for the rest of their lives still feeling like its there. I feel like it’s there but it’s not. And I don’t know what to do now.”

Ragnor nodded, “I get it. I mean, its complete lunacy, but I get it.” Magnus opened his mouth to protest, “Not the phantom limb thing, but you thinking you don’t know what to do. Do what you have always done, my friend. Persevered. Drink, dance, have a lot of gratuitous sex, and move on.”

“But this is my magic, Ragnor! I did all of that with magic, and oh do I mean everything. But it’s just,” Magnus tried for the life of him to conjure blue smoke from his palms to no avail, “gone.”

“Well, firstly, I’m sure your dear Alexander will adapt to the lack of magic in the boudoir, he seems like an adaptable man. Secondly,” Ragnor took a breath and suddenly had a stone face, how Magnus remembered him when he was being serious about something Magnus usually shook off and dismissed, “When are you going to learn, Magnus? You don’t have magic. The rest of us “have” magic, we can bend it to our will, we can conjure and control it,” he said, even wishing himself to have his magic with him now in the afterlife, “But you, my friend, you _are_ magic. It doesn’t bend to your will, it is your will. Just because you don’t think you “have” it right now, doesn’t mean that it is lost to you.”

Magnus’ breathing started to return to normal from his previous outburst, “What does that even mean, Ragnor? I swear your communication skills have not gotten any better in death. You are just as cryptic and convoluted as ever.” 

Ragnor’s form started to fade before Magnus’ eyes, “It means, that you are more than a conduit of a force moving around you. It is you. So, find it.” And with that, Ragnor Fell was gone, back to whatever spiritual plane he was determined to haunt Magnus from with metaphors.

Magnus sighed. His visits or hallucinations of Ragnor always helped but they never lasted long enough, but then again, nothing would ever be long enough. He was still gone. So, Magnus picked up his phone and called Catarina, “How many antipsychotics can you prescribe me?”

“None. Why?” she said, obviously being woken up by his phone call and not at all pleased about it.

“Well now I’m embarrassed to say…” he trailed off

“MAGNUS! Just tell me so I can go back to sleep!”

“Okay, okay,” Magnus surrendered, “Ragnor keeps visiting me, or whatever. I mean, it’s certainly a hallucination, but it feels so real.”

Catarina sighed, “That’s what a hallucination is, Magnus. And don’t worry about it, he visits me too.”

Magnus was taken aback, “And you never thought to mention this before?”

She yawned, “it never came up. Its not exactly like you’ve had a lot of free time, so we could pour one out and mourn our friend who died helping your friends.”

“Don’t put this on me, I didn’t send a shax demon after them. I tried to save him! I’m terribly sorry I don’t have your skillset to heal!”

Catarina sighed. She knew that her and Magnus would eventually have to have this conversation, the three of them had been friends for centuries. Now one of them was gone, and that fact had barely been acknowledged. “Magnus, you don’t have to defend yourself to me. I don’t blame you for his death. I blame Valentine, as you should. He holds the blame, not you. Even if we are the only two people on earth who cared about Ragnor, that is still a tragedy. He is still someone we loved, and that monster took him from us.” She breathed out, too tired for this talk but apparently they needed to have it, “Ragnor comes to me when I need guidance, like when you dropped Madzie off with me. I know you had complete faith I could handle it, but I didn’t. I said yes because I knew she had no where to go and I instantly fell in love with her, but I had no idea what I was going to do or how I was going to go about raising a child. He came to me, made some quips about my braiding skills and how I order too much take out instead of making homecooked meals, but then he told me that my innate desire to help people and save lives was no different than the task in front of me. Saving lives isn’t always blood and guts and stitches. Sometimes its caring about a little person who has no one, taking them in, giving them love, and making sure they don’t stay up too late watching TV. She had no one after you captured Iris and sent her to Idris, not blaming you, she was a criminal. But now, Madzie has me, she has Alec, she has you. She has a chance to have a life, to hone her powers, and to be happy. That is saving a life, that is what I do. That’s what we do. Ragnor reminded me of that when I needed him to and Madzie is better for it. She also thinks his horns are funny so that’s nice.”

“SHE SAW HIM?” Magnus exclaimed.

“Yeah, I thought she would have mentioned that to you. Either way, she asked him why she didn’t have horns. He told her she was exactly the way she was supposed to be and that she would do amazing things. She said, yeah, I know but horns would still be cool.”

Magnus laughed, “I mean, she’s right, that would be pretty cool. But I guess that means I’m not hallucinating?”

“Seems not.” She yawned again, “Ghosts, huh? But that’s a whole other can of crazy worms I am not opening at...4:30am, Magnus, I swear to god, next time you call me at this hour, someone better be dying!” she yells into the receiver, “I would have hung up just then but that reminded me to ask how Alec is. So, how’s Alec?”

He laughed, “He’s still asleep, still breathing.”

“So, in short, better than a couple days ago? Good, glad to hear it. Bye.” The line went dead.

Magnus took it upon himself to grab another cup of coffee after his rousing conversations with a ghost and his disgruntled magical nurse, hoping that the caffeine would put him in better spirits. He didn’t make it to contemplating ghosts before he was asleep on the couch, curled up in a blanket, his cup of coffee still steaming on his desk next to a silver photo frame.

 

 

By the time Alec woke, it was after 10am and even he knew that was sleeping in too long. He peeked his eyes open to notice the gloomy sky outside and a coldness beside him that told him Magnus was not in bed and hadn’t been for some time. But how long? He couldn’t be sure. So, he put on a pair of sweatpants he had left on the floor a few days ago and decided to investigate.

When he tried getting up, he realized he hadn’t stood up in about 3 days, feeling aches setting into his back apart from his almost fatal encounter with the business end of one of his arrows. His bones cracked and some of the tension released, Alec took a few steps away from the bed, noticing how much less his chest hurt than when he woke up yesterday. Warlocks might be half demon but, like Magnus, Catarina was a godsend, Alec thought.

Alec’s arm was long healed, but he was reasonably cautious not to use it to open the door. The hallway was just as dark as their bedroom, as the rain poured outside. Alec did spot a light on at the end of the hallway, towards the guest bathroom. He walked around the corner and into the doorway and found Magnus there, sitting at the vanity, head in his hands, with an elaborate amount of eyeshadow in front of him.

Alec made his steps a little louder than he probably would have, so as not to startle Magnus. Magnus did look up in the mirror to see Alec standing behind him. He let out a sigh, “I didn’t know you would be up already.”

“I figured three days was long enough in bed, especially if it didn’t include other, more preferable activities.” Alec smiled down at Magnus in the mirror and let his hands find Magnus’ shoulders, trying to rub out some of the clearly built up tension he had acquired. Magnus leaned back into Alec’s touch and groaned as Alec massaged his shoulders. Alec leant down to kiss the side of Magnus’ neck, and another, and another, and another until what he intended to be a quick, sweet gesture quickly turned into Magnus moaning and grasping at Alec arms above him. “Ah, ah, nope. Doctor’s orders.”

Magnus groaned, this time out of annoyance more than pleasure, “Nurse.”

Alec laughed, “either way,” he kissed Magnus’ neck again before resting his chin on his shoulder, “do you need help?”

Magnus raised an eyebrow, “I mean, I don’t know how to do this without magic, but how do you know how to do this?”

Alec laughed, grabbed a chair from the far corner of the bathroom next to the tub, and sat it next to Magnus’. He turned to Alec, who was making quick work of sorting through the assortment of brushes Magnus had laid out and found one ideal for blending and shading the colors. “When Izzy was about 15 she tried some make up tips from a cosmopolitan magazine she stole from someone’s mailbox. She ended up looking so terrifying, I was worried that Jace and I might accidently mistake her for a ravenor demon on our hunt. So, I took it upon myself to help her. It went well enough, she thoroughly adopted her role as the “bait”, Alec air quoted, “she has since improved. Now, what color?”

Magnus laughed, Alec really did continue to surprise him in good, and odd ways, it seemed, “how about black?” he shrugged

“Oooh mysterious, depressive even. I like it. Black it is.” They both laughed, and Magnus closed his eyes, letting Alec paint the most perfect canvas he could imagine.

 After a moment, Magnus decided to rip off the band aid. “How do you feel about me not having magic?”

“How do I feel? Shouldn’t it be how do _you_ feel?” Alec protested while blending any number of mystery colors together on his eyelids, Magnus couldn’t be sure.

“I guess, but I want to know how you feel, Alexander. Does it make me, I don’t know, less appealing, less intriguing maybe?”

Alec scoffed, “you cannot be serious. If my brother hadn’t stabbed a hole into my chest and practically ripped my arm off, I would be having celebratory ‘Lilith has been banished’ sex with you” he said, “Magnus, I love you. I want to know how you feel about it. Your magic was part of you in a way I am sure to never understand, and I can only imagine what its loss has done to you. So, if you’re ready to talk about it, then we can talk about it.”

Magnus thought for a moment, “I don’t know if I can yet,” he said, eyes still closed

“That’s okay, you just let me know when you are ready, and I will be here to listen.”

He smiled, “you’ll be the first to know,” Magnus promised, “but do you miss anything about my magic?”

Alec sighed, but he decided to indulge Magnus in his pursuit, “Well, the instant coffee refills were pretty amazing but now I get to watch you walk into the kitchen and get them yourself, which is another gift entirely,” he stated proudly and they both laughed, “there was also that one thing you did when you would--”

“Yes, I know, I’m also going to miss that but I’m sure we can get creative,” Magnus laughed

“I’m sure we can,” Alec said, setting down whatever he had been painting on Magnus’ face, placing it on the counter in front of them. He stood up to walk behind Magnus, “Now open your eyes.”

Magnus took a quick glace in the mirror. He couldn’t tell the difference between having done his makeup with a flourish of his own magic and having Alec delicately put it on for him, but at least he found this one preferable thing to do without magic.

It was amazing the kind of tenderness Alec was capable of outside of sex. Their casual intimacy always took Magnus’ breath away. It didn’t matter if they were at home, or standing in the middle of the Institute, or in a restaurant in Tokyo, Alec always had this care about how he moved around Magnus that was entirely separate from his typical rigid and serious demeanor. Isabelle had mentioned it to Magnus after he offered to host their dinner with Maryse at the loft. She said, “you know, I have never seen my brother look at anyone the way he looks at you,” which came as no surprise to Magnus given Alec’s non-existent dating history, “he’s gentle with you. The way he looks at you… I know I have never felt anything comparable to that in my life,” which did surprise Magnus given Isabelle’s extensive dating history. He knew that what he and Alec had was special, but it was rare for others to point out that kind of thing, “I think he was always supposed to be that way, kind and tender, but I think he learned a long time ago not to be that way. So, thank you, Magnus, for letting him be who he is.”

 

“Purple?” Magnus questioned Alec’s choice, it was blended in with black at the edges of his eyes, the purple added more depth, as if there was some mystery to uncover there.

Alec smiled, “Yeah, I don’t know, it just spoke to me.”

Magnus laughed, “Okay, Andy Warhol,” Magnus stood up and faced Alec, letting his fingers dance across Alec’s chest but avoiding where his skin was still raised and angry, “I think we better go call Cat and let her know that you are among the living.”

“In a minute,” Alec said, taking the sides of Magnus’ face in his hands and bringing him in for a kiss. He let his hands wander under Magnus’ robe that was already untied much to Alec’s satisfaction. When Magnus moaned, Alec took the opportunity to slip his tongue in and push Magnus backwards until he hopped up to sit on the counter, brushes and eyeshadow palettes falling to the floor, but neither of them cared.

Magnus’ arms around Alec’s neck fell forward and his fingertips brushed where the arrow had sat in Alec’s chest and Magnus pulled away, “Ha, nurse’s orders… I’d better go call her and let her know you’re up.” Magnus hopped down from the counter and paced rather quickly to the door, “Oh, is it okay if she brings Madzie over. Sweet pea is worried about you, but Catarina didn’t want to bring her over when she thought you might die.” Magnus shrugged

Alec nodded, “Yeah, sounds good. I’ll just go get a shirt.”

 

About 20 minutes later when Cat and Madzie arrived, Magnus had to intercept Madzie from barreling herself directly into Alec’s arms.

“Oh, oops, I forgot Alec is broken,” Madzie mentioned then slowed to a walking pace over to the couch to hug Alec gently. “Are you okay, Alec?” she asked him softly.

“I am now,” he smiled at her, “Catarina fixed me all up, so I’ll be ready to play with you in no time. Right, Cat?” they both turned to her like two kids asking their mom for ice cream

She crossed her arms, “Oh yes, of course, because I’m chopped liver.”

He stood up with Madzie and held her hand down the hall, “Alec can you show me Magnus’ gross bugs?”

“They are very important dead bugs. They are for potions, but we can pull the legs off and see how many we can count. And if you’re good, maybe we can figure out how the three eyed toads’ organs work,” he whispered down to her

“YEAH!” she screamed and ran ahead of him, he followed her laughing.

“Don’t take it personally,” Magnus told her, “everyone is obsessed with him.”

She laughed, “and yet, I somehow seem to be immune to his charms, but he is good with kids.”

“That he is,” he said, taking a sip of his tea, “Anyway, about Ragnor, I’m sorry, Cat.”

She shooed away his apologetic gesture, “ah, who has time for funerals when psychotic genocidal maniacs are running amuck and evil ancient demon aunts roll into town?”

“She’s not technically my aunt, but point taken,” he noted, “I just wanted to apologize to you if I made it seem like it was unimportant. I loved him, in all his surliness,” Magnus paced over to the drink cart and started mixing two martinis, “And clearly, we both still very much need his guidance. I’m not going to question whatever he may be, ghost or what have you. I say we take this moment to acknowledge that he is still here with us and be grateful that he is,” he turned back to her, handing her one of the martinis, “To Ragnor,” he offered cheers.

“To Ragnor,” she clinked her glass with his, and they both took a drink

“Ah, well finally, I was beginning to think you to would never even toast me,” Ragnor’s voice rang out from the couch next to them, “But still, this is nice, I’m touched.”

“Oh, I’m so glad we could fulfill your need to be the center of attention,” Cat gestured her glass to him, “and you’re still here so clearly acknowledging the dead and providing passage to move on isn’t working,” she downed the rest of her drink.

“Well, my dear, I cannot say it is a perfect science. It is even completely arbitrary to me whenever I appear here. Still, I’m grateful to be kept in the loop. How is Madzie?” Ragnor asked

Magnus took a sip, “she’s great. She’s playing in my apothecary with Alec, no doubt dissecting some innocent amphibians but to each their own.”

“She does love Alec. I’m glad you picked one this time that is so agreeable with your young wards. He has a good spirit, I only wish he had been around when Raphael lived with you. He shares my distain for your wardrobe, however, he does get up to some rather abhorrent dealings.”

Magnus also downed the rest of his drink, “Alec and Raphael, they do not get along. Long story…”

“In any case, I’m glad Madzie is doing so well. And I look forward to watching her grow from the veil I am stuck in.”

“RAGNOR!” Madzie called from down the hall as she ran into the living room to jump on the cushion next to Ragnor’s slightly blurred form. “Do you want to see some frog intestines? They look like worms!”

Ragnor sounded a large laugh, Magnus thought he might be broken, had he ever laughed like that? “As wonderful as that sounds, darling one, I’m afraid I have to take my leave now. But I will be back to see you again.”

“Okay, sounds good. Before you go, this is Alec, he’s cool and he teaches me stuff about gross bugs!”

“How wonderful! Its nice to meet you, Alec. Seems a little informal, but I assume your full moniker is reserved for Magnus. It was lovely to see all of you, but I must go. Until next time,” and then Ragnor disappeared from the couch, and Madzie hopped down and ran back down the hall to go figure out how kidneys work.

Magnus, Catarina, and Alec were silent, each of them equally confused. Even though Ragnor had visited Cat and Magnus before, their confusion never really subsided.

“So…,” Alec started, “Your dead friend, Ragnor, huh?” he questioned with raised eyebrows

“Yep.” They both said, pouring another drink into each of their glasses

“Okay then,” Alec trailed off, following Madzie’s footsteps back into Magnus’ office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be continued....  
> please comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed.


	3. hearts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec returns to the Institute after rehabilitating from his injuries from 3x10. Jace is completely broken. and Lorenzo Rey returns to ask a odd request of Alec and the New York Institute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit of a filler, but not without drama. chapter 4 coming soon!

Alec walked the long halls of the institute towards his office. The light pouring through the stain glass windows was brighter than he recalled, even though it was pouring rain outside and the glare of the sky loomed overhead, almost like a foreboding omen. He heard the faint whispers of those he passed, surprised he was still alive, wondering where he had been, and some things about Jace that he couldn’t quite make out. He was not so out of touch that he didn't know his parabatai was practically in ruins. With each passing moment, he felt Jace's pain growing more unconsolable, more consuming, it was starting to weigh into his own heart. Jace was irrecoverably and irreversibly destroyed by Clary's death. 'And who could blame him,' Alec thought to himself, 'if it were Magnus…' no, he did not let himself finish that thought. He finally made it down the long corridor to his office where he found Underhill dropping off a stack of files to join the growing leaning tower of paperwork on his desk.

“Oh, I didn’t expect that you would be in until tomorrow,” Underhill said, when he spotted Alec in the doorway, “I was just dropping these off. I can handle most daily tasks in your absence, but these need your signature to be sent back to Idris. They are mostly just briefs on demon activity and casualties in the city after Lilith’s banishment.”

Alec sighed, paperwork was not one of the perks of his job, “Ah, well I thought I would stop in and see how things were doing. I’m medically cleared for duty by the best healing warlock in the city, but it is standard protocol to check in at the infirmary.”

“Sounds good. And its good to have you back sir,” Underhill gestured towards Alec in a type of salute, “Just to bring you up to speed, there is no traceable demon activity in the city right now. All patrol squads have come back with no news. So really, all you have to do is the paperwork.” He said, gesturing to the stack on Alec’s desk before making his way to the door, “Oh, and no one has seen Jace since he came back that night. He hasn’t come out of his room. I filed a motion of reprieve for Jace while you were gone, but he has been summoned for a council evaluation in Idris to check his mental state before he can to be cleared of the charge of murdering Inquisitor Herondale. He will need to be there by the end of the week or face de-runing and possibly the Gard.”

Alec nodded. With all the commotion Alec had regrettably forgotten that while Jace was possessed, he murdered the only blood family member he had left. He knew Jace would not be able to handle an evaluation and possibly a council trial, but the Clave was not offering much choice on the matter, “Yes, thank you. I will handle it from here. You are dismissed,” he said, respectfully.

After getting a clean bill of health from the infirmary, even the Nephilim nurses were impressed by Catarina’s work. “How did she get the tissue to seamlessly fuse together like that?” one of them asked Alec as he was buttoning his shirt back up, “I don’t know, its like she is an expert and has been doing this for centuries or something?” he joked, but also slightly annoyed they were _that_ surprised by Catarina’s expertise.

“Alec!” he heard a voice calling him, there was no mistake as to who it belonged to, and he was quickly enveloped in her tight embrace, “You scared me to death. I already lost my best friend, I don’t know what I would do if I lost you too.”

“I’m okay, Izzy. See? Cleared for duty.” He assured her, hugging her back tightly, “You know I miss her too, right?” and he meant it. After all the events of the past few months, it was hard for any of them to imagine life without their favorite problem causing red headed scrap.

And Isabelle cried in her brother’s arms for longer than she wanted to admit to. When she finally did pull away, she was wiping away her tears and pulling herself back together. In her mundane AA meetings, they had told her to let her emotions go when she was safe and able to do so. This side of a few months ago, she would have shoved her grief down to her core and went straight for the punching bag instead. But with his new openness and how close they had become since she got clean, Izzy knew she would be able to turn to Alec whenever she needed and that he would, undoubtedly, be there for her. “Okay, we’ll talk about this later. You need to go see Jace. He won’t even talk to me. He needs you.”

She squeezed his shoulder to comfort him, he put his hand over hers in a sort of solidarity for the pain their both felt for their brother. Izzy nodded and went over to talk to the nurses. Alec hopped down from the observation table and quickly paced to the elevator.

Once he reached the living quarters, he took a deep breath after the doors opened, stepped out of the elevator, and walked down the hall to Jace’s bedroom door. He paused when he got there, he didn’t even knock. What was he supposed to say to his brother who was going through that kind of pain? It was a pain that Alec didn’t even want to imagine, a pain he had briefly felt, and didn’t wish upon anyone, let alone his own brother and parabatai.

Alec raised his hand to knock on the door, but before his knuckles met the wood, the door flung open and Jace ran into his chest, hugging Alec even tighter than Isabelle had. And he just sobbed into Alec’s chest. It reminded him of when he met Jace in his mind, in his own personal, when his brother had begged him to kill him. The similarity was too close for comfort for Alec and somewhere in the deep recesses of his soul, he felt part of himself being carved out. Jace was completely hollow, a mere shell of who he had been before Lilith’s possession, before he died, before Clary.

No, Alec would never wish for the Jace before Clary. He had become empathetic, he cared about things instead of coasting through life, and maybe most important, he loved. He loved her, even when the thought disgusted him and he hated himself for it. They had been through too much and now she was gone. Even as annoying as he found her and no matter how many problems she caused, Alec had a special corner of his heart for Clary. Not only was she extraordinarily gifted for having been raised a mundane, but she was the love of his parabatai, a sister to his sister, and part of their family. Her lost was felt so deeply by every Lightwood in the New York Institute.

Jace didn’t say anything. He just kept hugging his brother. Jace knew Alec was the only one who could even fathom the amount pain he felt, and he felt it right to his very essence. And they just stood there, embraced in the hallway of the institute. People passed by them and even if they had their judgements, none of them made it known.    

They went into Jace's room and just sat there, in each other's company, feeling the hurt they were both feeling. Jace still hadn’t said anything to Alec, but he didn’t have to. Izzy was right, Jace did need Alec even if they couldn’t talk about it just yet.

“I have to go get the paperwork from my office, okay?” Jace nodded, with his head now on his pillow. He was almost asleep, in fact he couldn’t remember the last time he slept. “I can come back here and do it,” Alec offered, but Jace shook his head, indicating that he needed to sleep and understood that Alec had obligations. When he finally fell asleep on his bed, Alec covered him with a blanket and left a note telling Jace that he was taking his paperwork home to Magnus’ but that he would be back later.

Back in his office, Alec was prioritizing file folders between what he absolutely had to get done that night and what he could get away with doing later. His mind was occupied on how utterly helpless he felt to help Jace, not to mention Magnus’ nonchalant attitude about losing his magic, and how devastated Isabelle was. Just as he was reminded that his Downworld council was in shambles, he heard a slight _rap-tap-tap_ on the molding of his open office door.

“Ah, Mr. Lightwood. I was hoping to catch you before you left for the day. Allow me to extend my sincerest condolences for the loss of Miss Fairchild.”

Alec nodded, clearly annoyed by his visitor, “Thank you, Mr. Rey. However, I do believe that a memo was sent out in my absence regarding the rescheduling of our cabinet meeting. I was out on medical leave and do apologize for the inconvenience.”

Lorenzo nodded, “No matter. I did hear of your injury and am happy to see you have made a full recovery. But I am afraid I am here regarding a different matter.”

Alec narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but composed himself, “Certainly, but unfortunately, I am on my way out for the day. You can make an appointment with my assistant.”

“Pardon me, Mr. Lightwood, but this matter is time sensitive and therefore cannot wait.”

Alec stood there, contemplating his options, but given the murky water he was already in with the new high warlock, he knew it was better to try to mend bridges where he could, even if he found Lorenzo insufferable. “Then, please, take a seat.”

“I prefer to stand.” Lorenzo stated, “As you probably know, Magnus Bane attacked me after our disagreement over using the resident warlocks as a conduit to banish Lilith’s possession from your Parabatai, Jace Herondale.”

Alec remained standing as well, “Yes, I am well aware of your disagreement. However, I fail to see what this has to do with me or my institute.”

“As High Warlock, it is my opinion that Magnus Bane is highly dangerous to downworlders and mundanes alike. This matter is under my jurisdiction, and therefore my responsibility to reach a determination with the Warlock Council as to an appropriate punishment for his reckless actions. Attacking one’s superior is grounds for banishment. He will serve an extensive sentence in the Spiral Labyrinth. However, given his erratic and violent impulses, I am requesting your services as Head of the New York Institute to help reprimand him in order to protect local mundanes and bring him to justice, as per your Nephilim duty.”

Alec just stared at him, and stared at him, and stared at him. He nodded to himself, still processing in complete disbelief what Lorenzo had just asked of him, “You cannot be serious…” he scoffed.

“I have never been more serious.” Lorenzo plainly stated

“Okay, so you seem to be a little out of the loop regarding the status of your own people. Magnus Bane doesn’t have his magic anymore. He gave it up in order to do what you refused to do, and under circumstances you cannot even imagine.” Alec was so heated, but he contained his rage to the best of his ability, “Now, professionally speaking and on the record, Magnus Bane’s new status as a mundane means that he is under the protection of this Institute and as the Head of this Institute, I formally reject your petition for assistance in arresting him.”

Alec walked around his desk to stand in from of Lorenzo, “Now, personally and off the record, I suspect the only reason you came in here today was to parade around your wounded ego at the fact that Magnus completely kicked your ass. And maybe instead of complaining to me, you should learn how to hold your own in a fight. You may have the council behind you on this, but without his magic, Magnus Bane is no longer your concern. There is no course of action for you to take, and even if there was, I would never help you, not just because you are so pathetic, but on principle. You have refused time and time again to protect your people, even going as far as to take credit for things Magnus has done, I cannot respect that. I wonder if the council would be interested in those facts instead of the fictions you have been telling around town.” His eyes narrowed

Lorenzo was fuming as he turned on his heels to storm out of Alec’s office, “Oh and Lorenzo,” Alec started once more, “Your success as the High Warlock depends not only on your ability to productively govern and protect your people, but also to keep up diplomatic relations with the other Downworld factions and this Institute. If I alert the council to your unprofessionalism and inability to rationally uphold the peace between our people,” Alec shook his head and tisked before regaining his composure, devoid of any sarcasm, “You. Are. Done. Don’t you ever threaten my family again. And certainly do not do it to distract from your vast incompetence.”

With that, Lorenzo stormed out of Alec’s office, flourishing his magic and knocking over the drink cart in the corner. Alec decided the mess could wait until later. He knew that the next cabinet meeting would be incredibly awkward, but as things calmed down in the city after tensions running so high, he was certain he could postpone it for a little longer. A more ominous envelope caught his eye, and he was certain he knew what it was before he opened it. He would again have to figure out how to take more time away from the Institute to take Jace to Idris, there was no way he was going to let Jace face that alone. 

His phone buzzed

 

_Magnus: Are you on your way home?_

 

Alec smiled, in his own selfishness, he couldn't wait to get back to the apartment. With Jace's grief weighing heavy in Alec's heart so much so that he could not escape it, he felt like he needed to acknowledge how lucky he was to be able to still hold Magnus in his arms, even if he felt like Magnus might disappear at any moment. Usually parabatais could filter out each others heightened emotion with enough concentration, but no matter how hard Alec tried, he could not find a way to differentiate his own emotions from Jace's tidal wave of dispair.

 

_Alec: Yep! I'm leaving now. I'll be there soon. I love you._

_Magnus: I love you too. Are you okay?_

_Alec: No, not really. But I will be. Be there in 15._

_*somewhere far away*_

Her green eyes fluttered open and her head was banging behind her eyelids, much worse than any hangover she had ever experienced. The last thing she remembered was a hand grasping her arm tighter than she even thought was possible, and the inhuman screams of Lilith being ripped apart on that roof top.

Once she found it in her delirium to focus, she could make out different things in the roof. The walls around her were wooden, the windows were covered in linens, allowing some light to filter in. Her wrists were bound behind her, she noticed then she was tied to a chair. There was a burnt pentagram in the concrete floor of what she was sure now was a basement. Come to think of it, this place felt familiar, but she couldn’t quite place it before she lost consciousness again. Before she slipped back into a fever dream of the worst kind, she thought she had heard footsteps behind her.


	4. bloom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus teaches Madzie. Alec doesn't know how to compartmentalize his own grief from Jace's. and somewhere, under the world, someone plots and plans...

Magnus watched blue flames dance around Madzie’s fingers in the shapes of the first butterflies of summer. When Catarina called that morning to ask Magnus to watch the young warlock while she was at work after the babysitter cancelled, Magnus immediately agreed. Not only was it Alec’s first day back at work, but he also had to contact his clients with the terrible news that he could no longer help them cure their ailments, get promotions, or summon demons for corporations with nefarious dealings. He gave his sincerest condolences, though most skated over them and demanded to know the next best option in the city they had for all their dark magic needs. He gave his recommendations and after 15 or so dead dial tones, he decided it was for the best to keep his mind occupied.

As much as it knocked at the hollow spot in his being, to watch the intricacies in the ways the butterflies danced without being able to make them himself, he pushed that feeling down and felt pride in Madzie’s ability to learn and pickup skills so quickly. There was no time to feel depressed about his own lack of magic when there was beautiful magic being wielded and molded by one of the most talented young warlocks he had ever trained.

He kept the fact of his missing magic away from Madzie as he talked her through performing simple incantations. He kept the focus more on beginner level magical theory rather than showing her how to cast spells himself. She was none the wiser, although he did feel guilty for essentially deceiving her. Magnus eased his conscience but reminding himself he had the know-how and the tools to teach her, even though he could not replicate the spells of his own volition.

“Excellent, Madzie!” he exclaimed when she let the butterflies outside on the balcony. They fizzled out into glitter when she lost her focus, sparkles falling to the ground from his penthouse apartment. Madzie had her eyes on a flock of bird off in the distance.

“Magnus? Do you think I could learn to fly?” Madzie asked her self-appointed teacher

Magnus laughed at the pure ambition of her question, “Well, my dear, very few warlocks have achieved it, but it can be done, theoretically. However, birds do have the expertise. How about we work more on summoning inanimate objects before we try rewriting the laws of physics.”

She giggled at him, “Okay, but we’ll keep flying on the table.” Magnus smiled when he noticed that Madzie was starting to sound an awful lot like Cat, he was both amused and annoyed as it would just be a matter of time before Madzie started displaying the same defiant moxie that Catarina was known for. “Can you get my juice box?”

“How about you get it?” Magnus suggested

She sighed, “Okay, fine.” She hopped down from the chair on the balcony when Magnus stopped her.

“No, Madzie. Where did you leave your juice box?”

She thought, “Um, I think its in your office. Remember when you were showing me your jars of newts? Oh, I think I put it on the desk when you were showing me the Gray book and all the different weird squiggly runes. Are you sure I don’t get any of those?”

Magnus laughed, “Sorry sweet pea, those runes are only for Shadowhunters; that’s how they get their powers. Just like we have our type of magic, they have theirs.”

“Oh, so I have my gills and you have your cat eyes and Catarina is blue and we have magic. But the Shadowhunters, they have their shiny swords and squiggly marks they draw on themselves to run really fast and jump really high?” she questioned, to which Magnus nodded, “Well, I like our way better.” Madzie noted.

“So do I, but both have value,” he said sadly, wishing he had the power of either one, any power really, “Now focus, close your eyes,” she did, “Okay, do you see your juice box?” she nodded, “Okay, then grab it. Take it from its spot on the desk and bring it here to your hand.”

With a small flourish of blue light, Madzie’s juice box appeared in her hand. She opened her eyes and took a drink through the little straw, “Thanks, Magnus.”

“No need to thank me, little one. That was all you.” He smiled

Madzie walked back into the apartment, “I mean, teaching me all of the things, like warlocks and Shadowhunters. I like learning new things. Do you think I could come back tomorrow and you could teach me some more?”

Magnus smiled, both in his heart and on his face, “Of course! But we should probably ask Catarina first, yeah?”

Madzie agreed, and they went back to their studies. By the end of the day, she could summon the remote for the tv from the table at the far side of the room to the couch next to where she sat. Catarina texted Magnus that she was finishing up her rounds for the day and would be there soon. They were watching some cartoons when Madzie summoned the remote back to her and turned down the volume. Magnus was going to ask her what was wrong but then she turned and asked “Are Shadowhunters better than us?”

“Why would you ask that, sweet pea?” Magnus asked, wondering where she might have picked up that idea. It was undeniably ingrained in the cultural hierarchy of the Shadow world, but she wasn’t around very many downworlders or Shadowhunters to influencing her thoughts like that.  

“That man who took your job, Lorenzo,” Madzie started, Magnus fumed under his calm exterior and just nodded at her, waiting for her to continue, “He came by the other day to talk to Catarina. He said some things about Alec that were not nice. I told him if he couldn’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all, because that’s the rule. But he told me it was time for me to know the Shadowhunters think they are better than us and we have to protect our own people. Well, everyone except you. I didn’t think he was very nice.”

Magnus sighed, “Okay, love. He put an arm around her where they sat on the couch, “It’s true, some Shadowhunters think they are better than us, but not the ones you know, like Alec, or Clary, or Jace. They will protect you no matter what, just like Catarina and I will,” he said, not knowing how he would keep up his own side of that promise and coasting over Clary’s death. Magnus and Catarina agreed Madzie has lost too much and that they would wait to tell the her about the death of her favorite redheaded friend, “But some, like the man who told you he would take you back to your nana, he was one of the Shadowhunters that Lorenzo was talking about.”

“But Clary stopped him, she stopped the bad guy and saved the day.”

“That she did, but there are still some like him and Lorenzo is right,” Magnus did his best not to gag at that statement, but when it came to life as a warlock, he couldn’t dispute that, “we do have to protect ourselves. But I’ll let you in on a secret the bad guys don’t want you to know,” he leaned in with intrigue that had Madzie’s attention, “There are more of us than there are of them. And we have so much love on our side. And not just that, we have the good Shadowhunters on our side, the best ones.”

“Yeah! And they all have to listen to Alec and be good guys just like him, right?” she beamed without even the slightest bit of doubt in her favorite Shadowhunter.

Magnus smiled, “That’s right. They all listen to him or they get sent to an island to learn better manners,” Madzie laughed, “But I want you to know, that Lorenzo is not right about everything. We can protect our own and those different from us at the same time. We are changing this city, we are making it a place of learning and love so we all can live happily. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to take a long time, because some people don’t like to listen, but that just means we fight louder. Shadowhunters are not better than us, and we are not better than them. There are bad people and darkness on both sides, that’s what happens when you allow hate and other yucky feelings into your heart. We only have room for love.” He said, perhaps a little ambitious, but if he could instill a sense of justice and perseverance in this child, it would be her greatest asset in continuing progress when the time came. He couldn’t promise her that he or Alec would be around forever, but if she could take their lessons and save lives championing for peace later in her life, he would walk through hell’s gate willingly, knowing the world would be better with this girl in it.

“So,” she thought for a moment, “you and Alec are going to save the world?”

“If we can, we will,” he laughed.

She squinted, “I think you might need help. There’s only two of you and the world is pretty big. I can help.”

“One day, I’m sure you will, sweet pea.”

                _*later that night*_

 

Magnus was standing in the balcony doorway, tapping his rings on the outside of his whiskey glass when Alec walked in with an arm full of file folders. “Hey stranger. Are you okay?” Magnus asked, but Alec proceeded with his strides, not looking back when he threw the entire stack on the couch to see if any fell over, which they did.

He hastened towards where Magnus stood, took his face in his hands and kissed him. There was still that aching feeling in Alec’s chest, not from his now healed wound, but from the pain he felt Jace feeling and it had only gotten worse on his walk from the Institute to Mangus' loft. He was now almost debilitated by the feeling of having the person you love ripped from this world. The only thing that calmed that hollowness in his heart was to have Magnus in his arms. He needed to know that unimaginable hurt wasn’t happening to _him_ , and selfish as that might be, he also couldn’t find it within himself to pull away from Magnus.

His hands slid down to Magnus’ chest to undo the buttons of his shirt, needing more concrete and tangible proof that Magnus was here with him, that he wasn’t just gone.

“Mmm,” Magnus said, against Alec’s lips and pulled away, “you are going to spill my drink.”

Alec shook his head a little, maybe trying to shake off the haze of panic. “I’m sorry. I feel awful saying this but being around Jace is really hard right now. Being his parabatai is really hard right now. I love him and I know its not his fault but I can't take this! I empathize too fucking much, I constantly feel like you are going to slip through my fingers like dust. But I know logically that’s not happening. But that happened to him and I’m so sorry for that, but I can’t take this, this anguish,” his last words came out like a sob, both for the release of what he had been feeling all day leading up to that moment, but also from the crippling guilt he felt for having the gall to complain about it. He took a seat in the chair closest to the door and dropped his head in his hands.

Alec felt Magnus’ hand touch his hand, “Alexander,” when he looked up, Magnus was kneeling in front of him, much like he had done when Magnus was telling him stories from his childhood, “its okay, breathe.” He said, placing his hands on either side of Alec’s neck, “just breathe. Its okay. Everything is fine. I’m right here. We’re fine.”

Alec nodded, “I know, I know. And I know this panic isn’t mine, I just don’t know how to shake it. I’ve never dealt with anything like this from him before. I can usually filter it out, and I tried but this time its not working.”

“This is a much harder thing to deal with, Alexander. In fact, I don’t think there has been a moment since we met that Jace wasn’t grieving something. But now, he has lost his parents all over again, his grandmother by his own hand, and now Clary. He has had such a hard life, and this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to him, imagine that for a moment.”

“NO, I can’t imagine that, Magnus. I know how terrible he feels, I don't need to imagine it," Alec thought for a moment, "I know he misses Clary, I understand that. I have felt that myself when I thought you were gone after Jace touched the sword," he shook his head and continued, "I can’t I go back there.”

Magnus sighed. He knew how Alec felt, he knew how Jace felt especially after having almost lived that reality himself, “I think you have to, baby. I think you have to in order to move through this and regain focus on what is his pain and what is yours.”

Alec’s eyes were erratic, he absolutely did not want to go into those thoughts, but he also had a twinge of instinct that Magnus was right. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Magnus rubbed his hands, harder than anyone else would have found comfortable, but he wanted Alec to be able to work through his emotions without falling into them. Tears fell from Alec’s eyes even though they were closed.

He focused his mind on running through the halls of the Institute amongst the dead, looking for Magnus and fearing the worst. The panic, the sheer bloody panic. 'No, I just found him, he can't be gone already,' he thought. Alec ran outside to check the perimeter after not having found any sequin and stud clad corpses inside, and nothing until a hand touched his shoulder and he captured Magnus is the tightest hug. A wave of relief washing over him, a wave that inspired Alec's first declaration of love that Magnus was stunned by but also returned. Back in the alleyway, he wished he could have moved out of the way, he wished he could have bested the owl but he wasn't fast enough, he wasn't good enough, and now he had to leave Magnus. It wasn't fair, it still wasn't enough time. 

Then flashes of red-orange hair appeared in his vision. Clary. It was her and Jace at the vampire club, at Lake Lyn, on their first date, even when possessed Jace threw her off the roof and every single version of her he was forced to slaughter in his mind. It was no mystery to Alec why Jace was now just a shell of who he used to be and why he just pulled the covers over his head waiting for some miraculous act by the Angels to bring her back to him, just like Raziel had brought Jace back.

After a few moments, Alec opened his eyes and deeply exhaled, “Better?” Magnus asked

“A little, it just feels less intense now, less suffocating,” Alec said, nodding, “I thought about us, after the soul sword and then in the alley," Magnus visibly flinched at the mention of that night, "But when I got through that, it was just Jace and how much he misses Clary. It still feels awful, but now I have a bit of distance from it.”

“Good. I certainly do not envy his pain. I’ve been through it myself, too recently for my liking and it hurts like nothing else in this world.” Magnus mused sadly, and Alec felt guilty for having causing that pain he knew Magnus had felt too many times in his life, “I miss Biscuit too.”

Alec smiled a little at the corners of his mouth, “So do I.”

 

They had dinner. Magnus made them both grilled lemon chicken with sautéed vegetables. He was again thankful that cooking was also a thing he enjoyed doing without magic. Alec felt like he could breathe again, just being safe and at home. He didn't mention Jace's pending Clave trial or Lorenzo's visit to his office that would certainly have repercussions later. There was something else bothering him, so when they retired to the balcony with glasses of wine, Alec decided it was time to ask Magnus a question he was dreading asking.

“I'm really sorry about before." he said, while Magnus leaned into his chest, Alec's fingertips gently tracing Magnus' arms. 

"That's quite alright, Alexander. I have a bit of experience with this Parabatai thing and under times of great stress or loss, it can sometimes feel like a curse instead of an asset. But you and Jace love each other and I'm confident the two of you can work through this. Just don't let him get consumed." Magnus noted. 

"I don't plan on it, but I also can't get consumed either. That doesn't help anyone," he noted, Magnus nodded, "what do you mean you have experience?" 

Magnus smiled, thinking back on stories he lived centuries ago, "a story for another time, love." 

Alec nodded, knowing Magnus shares his stories in his own time, "But are we okay? And not in the pretend way people say ‘oh we’re fine’ but I mean, for real. Are we okay?”

Magnus was a little taken aback, “Yes, of course. Why do you ask? Is something other than your parabatai’s grief weighing on your mind?” he asked, taking a drink from his glass.

“Well… we haven’t had sex since before you left for Edom.” Alec said plainly.

Magnus almost spit out his mouthful of wine, “How forward of you, Alexander.”

Alec shrugged, “It’s like you always say, if you can’t even talk about it, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it. But since we aren’t doing it anyway, I felt like I needed to ask. Is it me? I know I was injured but I got a clean bill of health almost a week ago. I’ve tried to be attentive and understanding but I’m worried there is a bigger problem. With us, I mean. Is there?”

“No, Alec,” Magnus assured him while downing the rest of his glass of wine. He learned forward to grab the bottle from the table, topping off his glass. “There isn’t a problem.”

“Then what is it? Is this about your magic? Because I could understand that if you would just tell me that instead of pulling away and putting walls up in front of me.” Alec pleaded for some sort of explanation, not because he was so off the rails by their lack of physical intimacy, but because he knew there was something between them, unspoken, and as long as it remained silent, it would eat at both of them until there was nothing left.

Magnus shook his head as he got more and more tense, “No, its not about my magic.”

“Then what is it?” Alec inquired further. Magnus was clearly thinking about how he should answer, almost like he was buffering and filtering out what he really wanted to say with something a little prettier or at least tamer than how he really felt, “Magnus, just answer the question.”

“You almost died, okay!” Magnus exclaimed, “You almost died! You were bleeding out right in front of me. And what could I do? Nothing. I couldn’t do anything to save you and you said goodbye to me! You fucking said goodbye.”

 

                _*back in the alleyway*_

 

“I’m sorry, I should have gotten here sooner. I’m so sorry,” Magnus cried after Jace left to go find Clary and stop Lilith from resurrecting Jonathan

 Alec shook his head, “No, no, you did it. You saved him.”

“But now I can’t save you! I don’t have my magic. I gave it to my father and now I can’t save you.”

Alec didn't know how that night would end, but he assumed it would be the last one he ever saw. He decided then to tell Magnus everything he thought and never said. When he started coughing, the arrow in his chest digging deeper with every move, he quickly gained his composure to speak before he ran out of time, “Magnus, you already did save me. I wouldn’t take back a second of the last few months, I have felt more myself than I ever have because you let me be me, without expectation and without judgment. So, you did save me. I won’t have you thinking that you didn’t.”

“Stop it, stop talking like that.” Magnus demanded.

“Magnus, I mean it.”

Magnus shook his head in protest, “NO! Don’t give me this speech about the last few months. I wanted this for years. We were supposed to have years, if you wanted me. We were supposed to have _time_! And now we don’t get it because I gave my magic to my father? That’s not good enough for me, Alec. Its NOT.”

Alec’s eyes started to close, but he smiled, "of course, I would have wanted you for all those years. Don’t you know anything, you ridiculous and beautiful idiot?”

Magnus sniffled and wiped his tears, “What are you talking about?”

“After our fight, a friend told me I should explain our customs to you,” Alec coughed and coughed and coughed up some blood, but continued all the same, “Nephilim love once. One time, that’s all we get. We can have other relationships in our lives, but we only really love wholeheartedly and completely once. You were it for me, Magnus. You were it, there wasn’t going to be another after you. And I knew that the whole time and I just let it happen. I walked into it when I kissed you at my wedding, when we went on our first date, fully aware of what this could be. You never made me doubt that choice. And I still don’t.” his eyes started to drift shut again.

“No, no, Alec, don’t. Stay awake, please.” Magnus sobbed.

Alec eyes were rolling every which way in between his heavy eyelids blinking, but he focused on Magnus when he said, “I hope I have loved you like you deserve.” He weakly squeezed Magnus’ hand.

“ALEC!” Isabelle crashed through the ally and down to the ground by her brother, “Magnus, what are you doing!? Fix him!”

He looked at her in tears, “I can’t, I don’t have my magic.”

She looked at him in panic, then took out her cell phone calling their Downworld contact at the hospital: Catarina. She stood up to give Cat the information she needed. Magnus heard her say phrases like, ‘in and out of consciousness,’ and ‘no, they didn’t pull the arrow out,’ while she paced back and forth.

“Tell her to take care of Max. He’ll need her guidance. She’s the strongest of us all.” Alec told Magnus

“No, I will not because you are going to tell her. And you’re going to be there for Max, you’re going to run the institute, you’re going to do all the things you have ever dreamed of. Do you hear me? I love you Alexander, you cannot leave us.”

Alec started to drift again, “I don’t want to. But I don’t have a choice. I love you, Magnus. I always will.”

He fell into unconsciousness then and Magnus screamed at him, “Alec! No, please wake up. Don’t leave us, don’t leave me!” He even looked up and pleaded to the heavens, “Please, don’t take him yet. I know I don’t deserve him but please don’t take him now. I just found him. It’s not fair. Please bring him back to me.” Magnus kissed the back of Alec’s hand that he was holding, and then his lips, just in case true love’s kiss would bring back his beloved.

At that moment his prayers, to no one entity in particular, were answered as Catarina came through a portal and ran to Magnus’ side.

“You kept him talking, didn’t you?! You are supposed to keep them awake without letting them talk. Have I taught you nothing? Goddammit, Magnus.” And then she got to work while the top of the building rumbled with shrieks and screams that could be heard from blocks around and then exploded out in every direction over the city. Magnus watched as the light from the residual flames danced on Alec’s tear-stained cheeks.

 

                _*the loft*_

 

“You may not remember that night very well, but I do, in every brutal detail.” Magnus said, drinking the rest of his glass, standing in the center of the balcony, while Alec just sat watching Magnus recall the events of that night.

He stood, walked over to Magnus, and pulled him into his embrace, “Okay, now its your turn, breathe. I’m right here. Everything is fine.”

“I know you are and I know it is. Knowing that doesn’t mean almost losing you didn’t rip into me like nothing else I’ve ever felt before.” Magnus said, while Alec rubbed his back in circles

“Kind of like an arrow?” Alec prodded

Magnus laughed, “that’s not funny, you ass.”

“Hey, it made you laugh,” Alec pulled away to look at Magnus, “I remember that night, of course I do, and it hurt so much, way more than that damn arrow. The thought of leaving you, it still hollows me out when I think about it, which is probably why I have taken on Jace’s pain and grief way more than I would have had we not been through that. It didn’t occur to me how much this has been weighing on you. I thought since I was alive and we both were fine that somehow it would just go away, but clearly, that was misguided. Maybe I just wished it would. I honestly thought all of this cold distance was about your magic.”

Magnus shook his head, “No. I mean, maybe that’s part of it but mostly it just feels like you’re a ghost.”

“Like Ragnor?” Alec whispered with a playful tone

Again, Magnus laughed, “Stop making jokes, I’m being serious,” he laughed, but continued, “I know you’re here and I know you’re fine, but…I don’t know, its like there is some veil between us, like what we had before is covered in a shroud and I can’t get back there. I try, and I try, but no matter what I do, it feels like we are still in that alley. And your blood is on my hands, literally and metaphorically, powerless to save you and dumb enough not to call for help. I owe your sister a great debt that no amount of money of favor will ever repay.”

Alec sighed, “Okay, Magnus?” Magnus did look Alec in the eyes, “I’m sorry. I am, I’m sorry for everything that has happened. Before you say it, I’m not taking on the responsibility of everything. I’m saying this to you, as someone who loves you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the pain you have been through, I’m sorry for what you sacrificed, and I’m sorry for saying goodbye,” his hand came up to rest on Magnus’ cheek, “I won’t do it again. I’m here and I will be here for as long as the angels allow. And for all that time, I’m yours. I’m not going anywhere.”

Magnus looked in his eyes and he feet the proverbial veil, or shroud, or whatever it was closing his heart off from Alec, lift. So, he nodded, still looking in Alec’s honest eyes, put both of his hands on either side on Alec’s face, “I know,” he vulnerably replied and pulled Alec’s lips to his own.

There wasn’t a shadow of doubt in his mind that Alec meant what he said. He just didn’t know if Alec would always be able to keep that promise, but right now he didn’t care. He never thought that he would experience such unabashed love from anyone, let alone a Shadowhunter, but here he was.

Magnus knew a thing or two about people, like how they thought, how they loved, and certainly how they lied. Everyone lied and cheated and manipulated to meet whatever ends they were trying so desperately to meet and they were certain to drag unsuspecting romantics down with them.

But not Alec. There was no part of Alec that loved for any other reason other than to love. He had no agenda, he didn’t see Magnus as a means to an end, he just saw Magnus as the person he loved and all the beautiful things he brought to this world. And looking in Alec’s eyes, Magnus could almost see in himself what Alec saw. 

Magnus let his fingers find themselves tangled in Alec’s hair before sliding them down his chest to undo the buttons of his shirt. He’d mentioned to Izzy a time or two of his gratitude to her for teaching Alec to wear his shirts slightly unbuttoned.

Alec kissed Magnus back with great care. Magnus knew Alec was treating him like a fragile broken bird or a fine work of art, beautiful in all respects, but to be handled with care. He wasn’t always a fan of this treatment, to be carefully doted upon because he did so much enjoy doing the doting himself but given the tension and the now resolution of their talk, he definitely appreciated the tenderness. His lips brushing Alec’s as he pushed Alec’s shirt off his shoulders as Magnus found his own buttons being undone. His shirt fell to the floor in a lump with Alec’s and then he found himself being lifted from the ground. Alec wrapped Magnus’ legs around his waist, still kissing him, and carried him inside and down the hall to their bedroom.

Even though it had been quite some time since Jace shared their living space, Alec preferred to engage in intimate moments with Magnus with the door closed, it kept him in the moment without the constant worry of being interrupted in compromising positions, literally. He laid Magnus’ down on the bed and his hands tilted Magnus’ head to the side and his tongue is running along the side of his neck.

Magnus gasped at the sensation. It was one of his favorite things to do to Alec, to trace his Deflect Rune with his tongue and have Alec squirm and moan under his touch, but damn if it didn’t feel heavenly. When he did pull away, Magnus groaned.

“Impatient already?” Alec inquired while Magnus’ breathing was already uneven and sweat glistened on his forehead.

“I’ve created a monster,” Magnus realized when Alec made removing both of their pants quick work and caught his lips again in a searing kiss.

Magnus could have stayed like that and just kissed Alec all night, but he also had other plans. Alec continued to kiss him however, just letting his hands explore down the planes of Magnus’ chest. Just before he decided that he would have to expedite this himself, Alec’s hands grasp his hips and pulled him into his lap, chest to chest.

Magnus was attacking Alec’s neck with his tongue and open mouth kisses causing Alec to tip his head back almost completely, “Oh, fuck,” he groaned and pushed Magnus’ chest, giving him the hint to look into his eyes, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, Alec. Right now, I’m fine. And, more importantly, I’m looking forward to spending this night with you. Is that okay with you?” he raised his eyebrows in question.

“Absolutely,” Alec said

They spent the night wrapped together in understanding, acceptance, and love. Despite making sure several times and getting nothing but enthusiasm back from Magnus, Alec worried he only said yes just to avoid the real conversation, a worry that nearly sent him into a panic after they were done when he looked over at Magnus to see his eyes filled with tears.

“Magnus? Are you okay? If I did or said anything to pressure you into- “

“No,” Magnus cut him off, “you wouldn’t do that. No, I’m just…” he couldn’t quite find the words

Alec rolled completely over onto his stomach next to Magnus to gently caress his cheek and dry his tears, “then what is it?”

Magnus shook his head and let out a little exasperated laugh, “sometimes, the way you love me is overwhelming.”

This took Alec aback, “Okay, I can change anything you want or if I’m ever doing something wrong or something that’s too much, just let me know.”

Magnus shook his head again, “Don’t change a thing. It’s pure, it’s complete, and so it happens, completely foreign to me. It’s new but familiar at the same time, as if we were always meant to be here and in love together,” he was musing while staring at the ceiling, but he met Alec’s eyes when he said, “I love you.”

Alec smiled and nudged his shoulder, “I love you too. Always will, so I guess you’re stuck with me,” Alec laughed.

“Oh darn, what ever am I to do,” Magnus said, rolling on top of Alec and meeting his lips again in laughter.

 

              _*meanwhile, somewhere else*_

 

Rot and ruin, that was the landscape. And everything was red, red, red. Red sand, blood red skies, rivers of what appearedb to be blood but not something anyone in their right mind would dare to investigate. It surprised Ragnor how anyone who wore the mantles of Prince of Hell, King of Demons, and General of the armies of Hell would live in such ruin and filth. Books everywhere, crumbling walls, and so many bones littering the floor that there was an audible crunch whenever you took a step. Of course, Ragnor was nothing more than a mere shadow, a mirage to anyone who didn’t know better. But he did, he knew he was dead and he knew what he was tasked to do.

Unseemly, as it was, he didn’t have a choice and the candle light was the only thing that could be considered gentle in hell, Ragnor thought to himself.

“Any progress?” a sneering hissing tone summoned him.

“Everything is on schedule, as per your request.” Ragnor noted, regrettably.

Asmodeus smiled a sinister smile, “Excellent. So, my son is still enjoying his Nephilim pet, is he?” Ragnor nodded, he did his best to down play Alec and Magnus’ relationship whenever convening with the Prince of Hell. Ragnor knew what Alec meant to Magnus, but the more Asmodeus thought Alexander Lightwood was just Magnus’ current hook up, the better. Asmodeus pursed his lips, “Hmmm, I thought I taught him better taste. No matter, he will return home soon and put these foolish, juvenile frivolities behind him. What I wouldn’t give to have a new set of Nephilim bones though, they make wonderful toothpicks. Have you ever tried it?”

“Can’t say I have, your Highness.” Ragnor avoided drawing too much of his worry over Asmodeus’ passing thought to turn Alec into toothpicks and instead changed the subject, “What will you have me do next?”

“Ah yes, what is next,” Asmodeus tapped his chin in contemplation, “Well, I need to send some of my demons up there to set the scene, create the drama, captivate the audience. And of course, complete captivation requires peril. I think some of these cockroaches should pay my son’s young ward a visit. What was her name again?”

“Madzie,” Ragnor said trying hard not to have the name hiss through his teeth at the overwhelming protectiveness he felt overcome him. If he lost his composure now, they would all be doomed. He was already dead, he could take it, but he knew his friends had so much living to do. They would meet so many blessings and live happily, that is if he could just keep it together and do his damnedest to keep them safe.

“An unfortunate name, truly. But Magnus is quite taken with her, so you tell me.” He said, balancing an undoubtedly cursed coin on his fingers, watching it move from knuckle to knuckle, “So, maybe an attempt on her life will bring him face to face with his highest potential.”

The warlock nodded, “I think that just might do the trick.”

Asmodeus let out a short but maniacal laugh, “That’s all for now, you are dismissed.” He waved his hand in a type flourish with the same sort of flamboyant command Ragnor knew from his friend and before he could protest or further offer up his services, he was lost in a dark void of nothingness.

This was how he always imagined death to be, a vast void of nothing. Never in his wildest nightmares did he think he would be spending his afterlife as a puppet to one of the Princes of Hell, spying on his friends and preventing them from mourning his death as proper, all to manipulate them into plots unspeakable. He couldn’t help but think of Madzie and how much he wished she wasn’t involved in this. Ragnor had undeniable faith that Magnus would protect her, but he also knew that Magnus did not have that kind of faith in himself. The loss of his magic ruined Magnus’ ability to discern his worth from his abilities, or maybe that was a conflict in Magnus all along.

On the one hand, he hoped Magnus never regained his power. If he never got his powers back, Asmodeus couldn’t unleash his wrath upon the world, he would be free from his father’s influence, and he could live a happy life, maybe even a mundane life, with Alec. Still, it was clear to Ragnor that if Magnus didn’t get his magic back, that Madzie would be the one, or at least the first one in a long line of people Magnus loves, to pay the price.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out! It ended up being much longer than I initially planned. Also, if anyone wants to give me smut writing tips, I would appreciate it! Thanks for reading! Please leave a kudos or a comment if you enjoyed.


	5. Happier

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long to get out. With the cancellation, my motivation to write has been at an all time low. I have faith we will get picked up. I hope we get to see these characters on tv again. Until then, here is chapter 5. I hope you enjoy.

Magnus awoke in the morning, unclothed, and completely comfortable for the first time in weeks.

As difficult as it was for him to voice his heartbreak and trauma over Alec’s near-death experience and the loss of his magic, he knew immediately that they were better for it as a couple and moreover, he was better for relieving that weight off of his chest. It didn’t bring his magic back to him, nor did it erase the white and raised scar from Alec’s chest, but neither were the dark cloud between them anymore.

As quietly as he could, Magnus got out of bed and made his way to the bathroom for a much-needed shower without waking Alec. With all the lights still turned off except the red under cabinet lights to illuminate the bathroom, Magnus turned on the water and waited for it to get hot. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror with disheveled hair and some new dark bruises on his neck.

“Well, there’s no getting rid of those now,” Magnus thought to himself and laughed. Normally, he would leave them right up until he had to meet with a client or go to the institute for a cabinet meeting, often leaving Alec worried he may just leave them for everyone to see. He knew giving everyone that kind of insight into their personal life, no matter how much intentional gloating was involved, was not something Alec would appreciate. So, he kept it a humorous joke between the two of them, at home, in their own little corner of paradise. 

As steam started to faintly fill the air around him, Magnus began to feel dizzy and then red flashed behind his eyelids. Red, red, red everywhere. A familiar kind of red that incited despair over all else and rolling hills of red sand, leading its way to stone gates that were opening. Magnus could have sworn he heard the most deafening screeches anyone could possibly imagine before the dizzy feeling faded and the only red he saw was that of the aesthetic lights in the bathroom. 

His heart raced as he turned the lights on a swiftly closed the door, so as to not wake up Alec with the bathroom lights shining in his face. 

Magnus managed to calm his breathing, “Okay,” he whispered quietly to himself, “you’re okay. It was just a flashback from Edom when you saw Father, its fine. You’re okay. You are home with Alec and everything is fine. You are okay,” he said gripping the counter top of the vanity.

When his fears got a little too close for comfort, Magnus had taken to talking himself down out loud. It was something that Etta taught him how to do in the 50’s. She had talked him through a panic one time and he had held on to the technique ever since. It helped to ground him in the present moment and allow the past to fade back into memory, instead of falling into an inescapable traumatic reenactment in his head. 

With steam visibly filling the room like smog, Magnus pulled back the shower curtain and stepped into the shower, relishing in the warm water cascading down his body after his whole ordeal. There were too many wounds that he feared if he opened them, they would never stop spilling blood, both his own and others. There were so many aspects of his life that he needed to keep Alec, Catarina, and Maddie safe from. He didn’t know, that if he did share those things, if his loved ones would still love him. He also didn’t know what could come crawling out of the darkness if he unraveled those stories out in the open. 

As a student of many languages, Magnus knew words held great power. Not only to the human psyche, but also in a very literal sense when it came to dark magic, and of that Magnus was fluent. He needed to be for his former position as resident High Warlock and in general for potion making, spell castings, etc. and there had been times in his past when he used certain dark magics to do things he swore, to himself and to the heavens that be, that he would never do again. 

Instead, he spoke to himself when we found moments of solitude and reminded himself of the man he knew his mother wished he would grow to be. He liked to remember her love when confronted by the devastation he enacted or that of his father. His childhood wasn’t perfect, by any means, before her suicide, but he liked to believe he could live up to her greatest dreams for him. 

He was brought out of his thoughts when one side of the shower curtain pulled back as Alec’s presence appeared behind him. 

“Did you sleep well?” Alec asked Magnus with a certain gravel he had in his voice in the morning that made Magnus go weak at the knees. 

Magnus smiled, “Yes, I did,” he noted cheekily, “How did you sleep?”

When Magnus turned to Alec, he was rubbing the tired out of his eye and scrunching his nose at his own morning breath, “Oh, like a baby.”

“So…inconsistently? And you woke up every hour to eat then cried when you were uncomfortable?” Magnus asked

Alec laughed and stepped out of the shower to brush his teeth. He was hoping to make his morning before work a little more enjoyable, but he preferred not to subject Magnus or himself to his atrocious morning breath,“Yeah, why is that an expression? It makes no sense.”

Magnus chuckled, “I don’t know, Alexander.”

Alec brushed his teeth for a few minutes and Magnus ran his soap covered hands through his hair, breathing in the smell of sandalwood that always relaxed him. Then he felt Alec’s hands join his own shampooing his hair and relaxed further back into Alec’s touch. 

After a moment, he rinsed the suds out of his hair and turned to look at Alec, who looked equally disheveled and delectable. He had to be on his tiptoes to meet his lips with Alec’s but whenever they did, it was the purest form of magic Magnus had ever known. He wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck, but then Alec’s institute alarm sounded on his phone in the other room, indicating an emergency. 

Alec pulled away from Magnus’ lips and groaned, “I was hoping to have a pleasurable morning with you, but I guess duty calls.”

Magnus laughed, “any chance you could pencil me into your busy schedule for dinner tonight?” 

“For you? Always,” Alec smiled and pecked Magnus lips one more time before rinsing the soap off his own body and exiting the shower.

A few moments later, Magnus shut off the water and could hear Alec on the phone, “okay, Izzy. Escort them to chambers, I will be there in 20, okay?” He hung up the phone and called out into the apartment as he moved down the hall towards the front door, “I have to head to the institute. I will see you tonight okay?” 

“Okay! I love you!” Magnus shouted, hoping his voice travelled far enough for Alec to hear him.

“I love you too!” Alec called back

Magnus smiled but met his reflection in the vanity mirror again, and he couldn’t get those gates and the color red out of his head.

 

At the institute*

The halls of the institute were almost silent as non-essential personnel were sent home for the day. Alec has instated this protocol whenever he had to convene the Downworld council, as some of the representatives and their constituents still felt unease in the New York Institute. They came to trust Alec and truly believed he was inspiring change, but they also knew, full well, that many of his subordinates did not share his views of equality, that was made very clear by the surliness of the other Shadowhunters as they walked through the institute to chambers.

Change was a slow process, but Alec knew he held a grand position of power and therefore had the responsibility to enact policy change. Even if he couldn’t yet change the global infrastructure of the Clave, he would make sure that everyone was welcome and treated as an equal in the New York Institute. All the faction leaders were chess pieces in the city, and if anything was ever going to change at all, they would all have to participate in the open forum Alec created to air grievances and make decisions for the betterment of their people. For the idea being so new, it came with its challenges.

With Lilith’s expulsion from the city, a power vacuum had ensued, and rogue packs of every faction were scattering to fill that void with their own reign of devastation. Whispers of uprisings were heard throughout the city as the vampires and werewolves had all but declared war on each other. Thankfully, none of the violence had turned on mundanes yet, but if the turbulence continued to go unchecked, it would only be a matter of time before mundane victims would start showing up dead on every city block.

“I understand the concern, I do, but we can’t just round up these people and punish them for things they haven’t done yet. And I cannot insert my people into a situation between the factions, without direct threats or violence upon this institute or mundanes, as per our agreement,” Alec told Meliorn as they sat around the table. 

“I know the agreement, but we cannot control the situation if there are voices of violence recruiting others to their cause. Who knows what kind of damage could unfold? If we stand idly by, we are no better than the Clave when they let Valentine go unchecked as he committed genocide against downworlders across this realm.” Meliorn told the table on behalf of the Seelie Queen.

Alec sighed, “Valentine was a suprematist who wanted the destruction of all those who weren’t like him. These are people who simply was justice for their own people and they believe violence is the way to get it. And who can blame them? I understand why they are doing this but do not mistake my understanding for compliancy. I’m not saying we do nothing. I have a tech team on it now. We have set up an algorithm to detect any legitimate threats. Shadow World terrorists are not that different from mundane ones. If anything shows up, I will personally see to it that those responsible are reprimanded.” 

“Humanely, I hope,” said a voice ironically as the door opened. 

Alec stood up from his chair, “Raphael.”   
Isabelle had told Alec about her altercation with Raphael over what he had done to Heidi, and protocol dictates that he be turned over to Clave custody. However, Isabelle granted him an unauthorized pardon for his crime. Alec let it slide and covered for her, given the delicate nature of their turbulent relationship, and how much Raphael means to Magnus. Contingencies of the pardon were that he would never reenter New York. Even though the situation was incredibly delicate, Alec knew Raphael wouldn’t risk arrest by walking directly into the institute unless it was a matter of life and death. 

So, he continued, “The details of your pardon were quite clear, so you have ten seconds to explain to me why you are back in my city before I arrest you for torturing a newborn vampire.”

“I’m sure there is a rational explanation for this,” Meliorn stated, “right, Raphael?” 

“Eight seconds,” Alec pressed. Simon was sitting in as vampire ambassador in Raphael and Camille’s absence. He visibly shifted in his chair, not sure if he should give up his seat to the banished vampire leader. He moved to stand slightly, but Luke put his hand on Simon’s shoulder, keeping him in his seat. 

Raphael took a step towards the group, gesturing to Alec that he could handle this without a fight, “I may have gotten word that after your team banished Lilith back to Edom, it is now my people who are leading the fight in this power struggle. They will not give that power up to you and there was never a determination over who would fill my position. So, I extend to you, Mr. Head of the Institute, an olive branch, so to speak,” Alec squinted but allowed Raphael to continue, “If you allow, I will remain in the city temporarily, to reclaim control over the vampires, and then I will be out of your hair as soon as another leader is chosen by unanimous vote. That’s my offer.” 

Alec contemplated Raphael’s offer for a moment, took a deep breath, and sat back down. When it appeared as though he might indulge the vampire leader’s request, Luke stood up, “you can’t really be considering this, Alec. He tortured Heidi, drove her crazy, she almost killed Simon’s family! You can’t be serious.” 

“We don’t have many other options, Luke. The vampires and the werewolves are at each other’s throats. You and Maia have assured me the situation is being handled on your end, but despite the saying, it is actually possible for just one to tango. If the vampires remain leaderless, they will continue their crusade for power. I can’t let this continue and risk this unrest being turned on mundanes. There is no one else that has their respect. So, I’m sorry, but right now, we don’t have another choice until this is under control,” Alec turned to Magnus and Meliorn, both of whom nodded, “Alright then, Raphael. You may stay until this is sorted out.”

Raphael bowed his head slightly in a gesture of respect, “Thank you, Alec. I assure all of you, I simply want there to be peace. I love this city and its people too much to turn a blind eye. After I fulfill my duty, I will leave and comply with the details of my pardon. I will not return. You are right to be suspicious and I acknowledge that my motivations haven’t always been pure, but I swear to you, out of respect for everyone in this room, I will do what I can to help bring peace to the city.” 

Various pairs of eyes met from across the room. Alec, Meliorn, the Seelie Queen, and Lorenzo were in agreement, leaving Luke outnumbered. Raphael was allowed to stay in the city to reclaim authority over the rogue vampires. So, the meeting adjourned with ill feelings from the werewolves as Luke and Maia deliberated in the corner, but she seemed to agree with Alec in their temporary solution to the vampires. 

Alec opened the chamber doors to a furious Isabelle, “how could you let him back in here?”

“His clearance was never revoked in the system. We’ve all been a little busy and honestly, I didn’t think he would show back up again,” he pulled her over to the side of the corridor as members of the council left, “I know you are upset, and I understand, but we don’t have a better option to get the vampires under control. I don’t want this city bathing in more blood and the situation needs to be pacified as soon as possible.” 

“What about Simon? You let him sit in on the meeting? Why can’t he unite the vampires? Or literally anyone else?” She pleaded.  
Alec sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, 

“Simon doesn’t have their respect. Raphael does. I swear I am not doing this to hurt you. If there were any other option I would take it, but there just isn’t, Izzy. I’m sorry.” 

Isabelle was so angry, tears brimmed at the corners of her eyes. Raphael kept his head down and did not make eye contact with her as he exited the institute. As soon as he was out of her eye line, she took a deep breath and hugged her brother, “ I know. I know you wouldn’t do this to me on purpose and I know this isn’t really about me. It just sucks. I want to be better, Alec. And I feel like I’m back where I started. Not with the cravings, but with the anger.”

Alec put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her out the hug to meet her eyes, “Isabelle, you have come so far. You are not back where you started. If you were, you wouldn’t have told me this is how you feel. You are doing great and I am here for you, always. If you need to take the rest of the day off, you can.” 

She shook her head, “No, I’m okay. I need to do something to keep my mind busy. I have a meeting tonight that I will go to. I love you, big brother.”

“I love you too,” he told her and hugged her one more time, “I have some calls to make, but do you want to grab lunch in a little while?”  
She nodded, “that sounds good,” Alec nodded back to her and walked down the hall towards his office. She noticed Luke, Maia, and Simon leaving chambers and grabbed Simon’s arm when he walked by her.

“Ow!” He noted, “you are deceptively strong.”

“Yes, I know,” she laughed, “but I also know that you should challenge Raphael and you should be the vampire clan leader.”

Simon blinked, “are you crazy? There is a reason he commands the others vampires’ respect, he is terrifying. There is no way anyone is going to listen to me, regardless if he is here or not.”

“You are a daylighter, Simon. You have their respect.” 

He laughed, “no, I have, at best their envy and contempt and at worst I’m on their hit-list. They all want to a walk in the daylight, some of them have been trapped in the shadows for centuries. And whether we like it or not, Raphael is the leader and he earned the mantel of leader despite being so much younger than others who fought him for the title. I know what he did to Heidi was awful and what she did to me and my family because of it was awful, but he still commands and practically owns their respect and loyalty. My status is largely still a secret. Those that do know want to torture me so I’ll give up how I became a daylighter.”

Isabelle sighed, knowing he was probably right.

“I appreciate you seeing potential in me, but you are the only one. If I could make this situation easier for you, Izzy, I would. But challenging him for clan leader isn’t the way to do that. Even if I could do it, I’m not ready. I just killed my best friend and I’m just trying to make it through the day.”

“That wasn’t you’re fault, Simon. You did what-”

“What I had to do, I know. I banished the queen of Edom from this realm and I killed my best friend doing it. I’m just trying to deal with it without getting crushed by the guilt, okay?” He interrupted her.

Simon had heard enough from everyone that Clary’s death wasn’t his fault but that wound was still open and bleeding and festering. He couldn’t shake it and he didn’t think he ever would. But in that moment, he saw just how vulnerable Izzy looked and he remembered that Clary was also her best friend. 

It was easy to drown in his own mourning. It was harder to see her vacancy in the eyes of everyone who loved her. So he wiped his brimming tears from his eyes, “Look, I’m always here if you want to talk, and if you don’t, that’s okay. I miss her so much, I forget sometimes that everyone here loved her too. She loved you like a sister and I know she would be giving you better advice to deal with this,” he opened his arms, offering a hug to her. She took it in comfort. “I’m sorry I took her away from you. I didn’t mean to,” he promised.

“I know you didn’t, Simon. I know you didn’t,” she told him, and hugged him tighter.

 

In Alec’s office*

“Jia, please. I am begging you to reschedule Jace’s hearing. He is not ready. He won’t even leave his room.”

“I wish I could reschedule, but the other representatives want this case closed and with my name in the ring to succeed Imogen as High Inquisitor, I have to be in the good graces of the council so that I can have authority over these decisions in the future. If it were up to me, we would be able to handle this between you and me, but its out of my hands, Alec. I’m sorry but Jace needs to report to Idris by the end of the week for trial or face the Gard.”

Alec sighed, “Okay, I understand… Then I will be accompanying him.”

“Alec, there is too much unrest in New York for you to leave right now,” Gia warned him. 

“I have that situation closely monitored and I will return at the first sight of an uprising, but you and the council have to understand this: Jace Herondale is my Parabatai and I will not let him face this trial or the Gard alone. We go into battle together, and with what he has been through, this is another battle. So, make no mistake, I will be by his side. I can protect my city and support him, so let me do it,” Alec stated plainly and authoritatively.

Jia Penhallow sighed, “Okay, I will alert the council. You both will be expected to appear in chambers by Friday morning. But I warn you, Alec, they will question your leadership for this.”

“Let them,” he said, and hung up the phone.   
After a few hours of paperwork, he heard a knock on his office door.

“Come in,” Alec called to whomever was at the door, which opened slightly and it turned out to be Luke, “Oh, Luke. How can I help you?” Alec asked, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk for Luke to sit down, he did. 

“I wanted to apologize for how I reacted earlier,” Luke started but Alec stopped him.

“You don’t need to apologize, Luke. You were voicing a valid concern, a concern which I also have, but I am lacking any better options.”  
Luke nodded, “I appreciate you saying that, but I feel like I need to apologize still. I haven’t been necessarily the sanest person since…Clary. When I lost Jocelyn, I thought that was the worst pain I could experience, but I was wrong.”

“I can’t even imagine. She was your daughter. All of us loved her, in our own weird and dysfunctional ways, and we feel her loss everyday. But she was your daughter and I am just so sorry, Luke. I would go back and change a lot of things about that night if I could,” Alec extended his deepest sympathies.

Luke fought back tears, “Thank you, Alec. The only reason I didn’t run off like I did before was the absolute unrest between my pack and the vampires. I have let my pack down too many times through all of this. They need me. And Maia and Simon need me. I feel like they are all my kids and I want nothing more than to protect them and for them to be happy. I failed Clary and I want to take it back every second of the day,” he paused but gain back some composure, “ however, even though they need me, I am not fit to lead right now. I will be turning over my place on the council to Maia in my absence. I’m going upstate to my farm to spend time with my sister, Cleophas. No one knows I own property up there and I tell you this in confidence to only get in touch with me in extraneous circumstance,” Luke handed Alec an envelope with his contact information upstate, “I hope you recognize Maia as a very capable leader and treat her with respect.”

“Of course, Luke. You have my word,” Alec promised.

Luke nodded, “Thank you, Alec,” he stood and walked towards the door, “by the way, what you are doing here is amazing and not something I have ever seen in my lifetime but what you are trying to do, it wont be easy.” 

“If it were easy, I like to believe that people would have attempted it centuries before me. I think sometimes our humanity lends us our best and worst parts. Our abilities to love and hate are incredibly human. If we could change the latter easily, the mundanes would have too.”

 

Back at the loft*

Alec dropped his bag in exhaustion at the front door. He smelled the no doubt delicious dinner that Magnus prepared for them and he walked into the living room while rubbing his shoulder. Stress was debilitating to Shadowhunters just as much as mundanes, the only advantage was that he could temporarily relieve its symptoms. He took out his stele from his back pocket and activated his iratze to relive the tension in his muscles. 

He wasn’t looking forwards to traveling to Alicante at the end of the week, and dreaded even more not knowing how long this process could potentially take as the high Clave council interrogated his Parabatai over crimes the Owl committed. He would much rather stay home and handle the problems in his own city and come home to Magnus at the end of the day. 

When he walked into the kitchen, however, he saw Magnus sitting at the table with none other than Raphael Santiago. He stopped dead in his tracks and felt his muscle tighten up yet again. 

“Good evening, Alexander. Raphael is joining us for dinner. I hope that’s okay.” Magnus beamed, but also hoped the two most important men in his life could find some sort of common ground. 

Alec sighed, “Sure, why not? I find him at work, I find him at home, both that just so happen to be in a city he is banished from.” 

“You allowed me to remain in the city, if you recall,” Raphael noted.

“A decision I am very much starting to regret,” Alec retorted. 

Magnus stood up between the two of them, “Now, now. No fighting. I except the three of us to have a nice meal together and for you two to be civil with each other. We may not have too many opportunities to do this so I want us all to make the most of it. That’s an order.”

Despite being completely magic-less and therefore unable to stop Alec and Raphael if things were to turn violent, he knew that neither Raphael or Alec would ever go against his wishes so blatantly and hurt him in the process. No, they would both settle their dispute and make passive aggressive comments back and forth. Magnus could live with that. 

During dinner Magnus told stories, like his role in the French Revolution and some about the undesirable Lightwoods he had met over the centuries, much to Raphael’s amusement. Alec always appreciated these stories about his ancestors because the history books in the Clave’s archives remembered them all so fondly, but the one thing Alec held to the highest standard was the truth. Magnus was there, he lived it, he witnessed and knew these people. He had no reason to lie, meanwhile the Clave had every reason to lie. Alec accepted his families atrocities, some of them not far enough away from him in time given that his own parents were members of The Circle. Alec knew exactly who he needed to be in order to change everyone’s minds about some of the Lightwoods, his brother and sister included. He manage to rest a little easier knowing he had already changed Mangus’ mind.   
After their meal, Magnus went to dish up dessert in the kitchen while Alec refilled his drink at the liquor cart.

“I don’t hate you. Just thought I would clear up the confusion?” Raphael noted plainly

Alec laughed, almost choking on his drink, “could’ve fooled me, and have, but I suppose I haven’t done my best of letting go of our past…conflicts.”

Raphael nodded, “I am deeply regretful over my discrepancies with your sister, but I assure you nothing transpired.”

“Other than the mutual blood and venom addiction? But I should be happy you two didn’t sleep together?” Alec exasperated, and then sighed when he noticed Raphael cringe, “Look, I understand this is something that is hard to come back from. I fear if Isabelle hadn’t found sanctuary when she did, then she may not be here today, even though that help she found almost killed our brother. But I put blame where blame is due over this and I fully acknowledge that this will undoubtedly be apart of her for the rest of her life.” Raphael turned away from Alec in shame, “which is why I know it’s the same for you,” Raphael turned back to him in confusion. He had never known Alec Lightwood to be empathetic, “and I know you are doing all you can to come back from this relapse. I regret my sister’s actions in succumbing to her addictions and tempting you in yours, but mostly I regret how I handled it.”

Raphael squinted at him, “Oh like when your right hook got very, very acquainted with my face?”

“Yes, that.” Alec noted and took a sip of whiskey, “All that I have learned recently has changed my perspective and while we still have conflicts, I would like to bury the hatchet with this one. I know how much you mean to Magnus and I can only hope you have figured out by now what he means to me. So, for the sake of his happiness and his love for you, I am sorry, Raphael. And I hope we can find a way to be civil acquaintances if nothing else.” Alec held out his hand to symbolize a truce with Raphael, and the vampire stood to face him. 

“Magnus is, for all intents and purposes, a father to me. He found me when I was reborn into this life of eternal darkness. He brought me back to the church, to my faith, and assured me God was not lost to me. I know he believes none of this himself, but it mattered to me, so he believed in it for me. To this day, there is not a thing he wouldn’t do for me, a sentiment I have abused from time to time when it suited me. He is a good man, and apart from his demonic origins, he is the purest person I have ever met. I can only hope to be half the man he is, a pursuit I have systematically failed at for seventy years. Even in these past few months when I had my first and only inkling of hope to walk in the sunlight again, I took whatever means necessary and caused a lot of pain for the chance to bask in a warmth I have not felt for almost a century. It was a fool’s errands, but still had I the chance to see it through, I would do it. I am a selfish man, Alec, and I will always be one. But Magnus isn’t and for what I know of you, neither are you. Do me a favor and do not become one. He deserves a happy ending.” Raphael held out his hand to which Alec took it willingly, “I trust you will do your best to give him one.”

“If he’ll have me,” Alec declared as both men dropped their hands

Raphael threw his head back and gave a laugh, “If he’ll have you? ¿Eres estúpido? I’ve never seen him like this. I have wished for this, for him, for a long time and now finally…and it’s you. I would’ve preferred it be literally anyone else other than a Shadowhunter, but God works in mysterious ways. He brought the two of you together to complete some part of his divine plan. Magnus doesn’t believe that, but I know it’s true. Magnus believes life is a game of chance and the mortals that find their way to him are there to learn lessons and move on, while he is always destined to loses them as they give their love to another mortal. He loves them wholeheartedly and gets hurt every time they leave. ”

Alec nodded, “I’m not going anywhere. I have said it a thousand times, and I will say it a million times until he believes me, but I’m not going anywhere. I appreciate your protectiveness, I really do, but you don’t have to worry, Raphael. I would never hurt him. I know I haven’t always kept that promise but we are working on it together, everyday. I’m never going to purposefully hurt him. He has seen to much hurt, I hope to the angels that he doesn’t see more, he doesn’t deserve it.”

“Then we agree on something,” Raphael said 

Magnus walked into the room with a homemade cream brûlée for each of them, “I hope you two are getting along,” he said, inquisitively. He took his seat next to Alec and kissed his cheek. They began to savor their decadent dessert and Alec looked up to see Raphael watching the way he and Magnus regarded each other. 

He nodded at Alec and they continued to eat as Magnus started telling more stories.

Raphael bid his farewells to go reclaim to Hotel Dumort. Magnus had offered him a place to say but he assured Magnus that he needed to get to work as soon as possible. In truth, he didn’t know if he was going to live through the night, but he would never burden his father with that possibility. He shared some concerning looks with Alec as he hugged Magnus goodbye. Alec silently acknowledged this and gave him a nod of encouragement. Their grievances were not fully behind them, but they both hoped that they could have dinner again. 

When the door closed behind Raphael, and they both heard the swish of the air as he ran off into the night, Magnus wiped a small tear from his eyes, “I’m not an idiot, you know? I know this is very dangerous for him, especially if someone has been moving up the ranks in his absence. That’s exactly what he did when Camille would leave the Hotel. It stands to reason someone else is doing that now. So I do know that I may not see him again,” he met Alec’s eyes, “I just wanted us to have dinner. And I hope the two of you found something to bridge the gap, because if he does survive, I would very much like for all of us to have dinner again.”

Alec smiled and hugged Magnus, “I would like that too.”

“You would?”

“Yes. You love him and I’m not going to be the reason you refrain from seeing him.That wouldn’t be fair to you, that wouldn’t be me loving you to the best of my ability. Part of loving you is accepting and valuing other people that you love. And its really hard in this situation, because of Izzy, but I owe it to both of you to try.”

Magnus pulled back and stared at Alec in disbelief, “you are amazing.”

He shook his head, “No, I’m not, I’m giving you the respect you deserve. You are your own person and you have had a very long life before me. He’s a part of it, so I’m going to be here for every dinner.”

“I love you, Alexander,” Magnus said and Alec hugged him tighter, “so what did you two find that you had in common?”

Alec laughed, almost taken aback by Magnus’ genuine question, as if the answer wasn’t obvious. He stepped away from Magnus to grab them both glasses of whiskey from the liquor cart. He handed one to Magnus and took a sip. Magnus just watched him intently, so he said, “You. Of course its you.”

“Me?” Magnus questioned.

“We both love you. We know how much it means to you that we get along, so we are.”  
Magnus laughed, “That’s it? Me? That’s what took you two to settle your differences?”

“Yes. Why would we need any other reason?” Alec stepped closer to Magnus to quickly kiss him, “you matter so much and neither one of us wants to hurt you. So, for this, to the best of our abilities, we’re not going to,” Alec shrugged to signify that his and Raph’s motivations were the most obvious and the easiest to realize, “And I do believe that he will be fine. You taught me that having faith in times of war isn’t stupid or naive, it’s a virtue – a strength and I believe he will live and he will settle the vampires.” 

“Thank you, Alexander. I cannot tell you what that means to me,” he smiled and kissed Alec sweetly. 

 

Somewhere far away*

She came to again, this time to a familiar voice calling to her, “well, it was about time you came back to the land of the living, my dear sister.”

She coughed and blew strands of her red hair out of her face, “did I die?”

He laughed, “almost, but no, its just an expression. I can tell you what death feels like some other time. Now, are you ready?”

“For what?” She blinked and focused on the face in front of her. She knew him, but not like this, not with this face – his true face. 

 

From the ashes…

 

Risen…

 

Reborn…

 

“Why, the end, of course,” he laughed, “we are destined to march across the land and bring the fires of Hell to earth.”

“Go back to hell, Jonathan, I will never help you burn the world.” Clary said

Jonathan sighed, “My dear, Clarissa. I’m afraid your life force is tied to mine. I am the alpha entity in our blood bond. I am stronger than you. You will give up your free will to me eventually,” he stood up, walked up the stairs and left her alone, tied to a chair.

Clary had only one moment of feeling defeated, but when she looked up, she saw the window was cracked open. Night was falling, she had no idea where she was, but she wasn’t going to stay and find out just was her brother had in store for her. 

She thought all messages from the angels were dead along with Ithuriel, but she saw a rune on the wall by the window, illuminated in heavenly light. Lacking a stele, she concentrated, hoping she had some of Jace’s angelic powers in addition to her own. The rune appeared on the straps tying her to the chair, and they released their hold on her. 

Managing to undo the rest of her bonds by hand, she sat back down just in case Jonathan came back. When the moon rose, she activated her voyance rune, to feel any presence in the cabin, but there was none. She took the chance that it was a trap and got up from her prison and pushed out the window to escape. 

The night air was brisk but she let it fill her lungs. It became clear to her that Jonathan vastly underestimated her free will. She would be dead before she gave it to him, but then again, if she were dead he would be too. She felt the tall grass on her palms and took in her freedom, breathing it in and out. It gave her the strength to take off running. 

Under the moon’s light, she did not get any clues as to where she was. Still, she ran for hours and she could have sworn that she saw glimpses of golden light, pointing her in the direction she needed to go..   
She thought while she ran, but not of how she could stop Jonathan. She thought of Luke, Simon, Isabelle, Alec, and Jace. 

“Oh god, they must think I’m dead,” she cried to herself about that very likely possibility, and unbeknownst to her, the truth. Luke… when they lost Jocelyn, she thought he would never recover, she could only imagine what this was doing to him. And Izzy, how could she leave her now? She just got her footing and found her sobriety, how could she leave her now? 

“Please tell me she is okay, please..” still, she ran. What about Alec, she was sure he hated her but she did her best to protect his Parabatai and she remembered how he hugged her. If he felt nothing else about he passing, she hoped he was there for Jace. Oh god… Jace. 

After everything he had been through… and now he thinks she is dead. She wept for that pain. She wasn’t even sure if Lilith’s potion was still in affect, if Jace even loved her at all, but she wept for what the old Jace may have felt. The last thing she remembered was Lilith exploding in flames as Simon stood in front of her. Was he dead? No, he couldn’t be. She had already lost him once before, she couldn’t do it again. Still, she knew full well that her inability to go through that again would not stop it from happening. She hoped with all the strength left in her that everyone she loved was alive and okay. 

Clary ran until she collapsed, malnourished and dehydrated. However she was able to catch a short look of the sunrise just before losing consciousness and as the sun illuminated the morning, she realized were she was and passed out with hope in her heart someone would find her as she lay on the banks of Lake Lyn.

 

Back in Brooklyn* 

Magnus awoke with a start as he felt Alec’s calloused hands gripping his shoulders

“Magnus, are you okay? I think you were having a nightmare. You were shaking. Are you okay?” Alec asked, his voice full of worry.

Disoriented, Magnus looked at the clock as saw it was 3:33am. He was exhausted and instead of feeling like he got some sleep, he felt like he had just competed in a triathlon. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. Just a bad dream, I think.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alec asked.

Magnus shook his head, “No, I don’t remember what it was about. No, I’m okay baby. Go back to sleep, you have to work in the morning.”

“I don’t know if I can. Are you absolutely sure you are okay?” 

Magnus smiled at him in the dark and snuggled into Alec, resting his head on his chest, feeling sleep coming back for him, “Yes, I’m okay. And tired. Go back to sleep, love,” he felt Alec nod and a few minutes passed and he was comforted by Alec’s subtle snores. 

Before letting sleep take him, he could have sworn he felt a certain type of unrest in the room, as if something was watching them. He closed his eyes and thought he saw faint flames behind his eyelids before sleep found him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave kudos if you enjoyed this.   
> And leave a comment letting me know what you liked or disliked. Thanks!

**Author's Note:**

> TITLE CHANGE. Yellow Lights was always just going to be the working title but now this story has found its home under the title, Elysium. 
> 
> to be continued...  
> please comment and leave kudos if you enjoyed


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